Day 24

Have to admit that today was a rough day.  I didn't sleep very well last night and heartburn started early morning.  It only got worse when I got to the clinic and didn't really let up after meds.  I didn't get to do the chamber today as I couldn't lay out flat :(  That kinda sucks but we'll make up for it next week with an added chamber sessions. 

Rossy was super helpful rubbing my back when I was having an "attack" and Anita got my meds figured out for me.  Made it super easy. 

The day itself went pretty quick which was nice.  We were about to come back to the apartment and got ready to go to the seafood place we went to last week.  I got the shrimp taco but unfortunately the heartburn made it difficult to eat...boo fucking hiss. 

We did however find our go to cab guy.  We used him last week, at that time he gave us his number and when we called today he came right to us, took us to the restaurant, waited then brought us back. He was super informative and a pretty funny guy. Enrique is our go to man now :)

Anywho, I was sent home with lots of med s so hoping tonight is a good one.  

Onward and upward people!!!!  

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON MY FOOT!

HANTS COUNTY AND BEYOND STRONG :)

Much Love

xoxo

Day 23 People

Just realized I'm over half way through the 6 week stint.  Kinda crazy.  It is "easier" to be here especially after seeing some results but my goodness I can't wait to see everyone.  miss you all to pieces.  I especially cannot wait to get my hands on those two sweet babies of mine.  Unfortunately no matter how often you call or sykpe tit doesn't fill that void.  I just want my arms around them and to feel their skin and hold them tight.  Breath in....breath out.....breath in....breath out

On to more cancer fighting!! Tired yet again tonight, so took notice and happed after clinic.

Radiation this am was alright but my friggin heartburn was back the last 24hrs.  So doc is upping my heartburn nauseau stuff for the next fews days in hopes it improves again.

Tomorrow is last day of the week then we get a rest day.  It's amazing how tiring this can be.

If you see my babies this weekend, tell them their momma and daddy love them to the moon and back.

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!!

HANTS COUNTY (and Beyond) STRONG

Much Love
xoxo

22

Hello sweet folks.

Today is almost over, it was a tiring one.  Couldn't  keep my eyes open this afternoon and after complaining to Rossy about being tired she set me straight.  Said that our bodies are working hard...going through the daily grind of treatments, the drugs, the chemo, the radiation and just daily stuff is tiring so listen to my body and have let it rest.  So that I did when I got home.  Had a quick snack then a rest and now back up for food and to facebook.

Radiation was pretty easy peasy today, in and out within 30 minutes then on to the treatment for the day.

Anywho, still tired so going to relax for a bit and watch some tv.

Good night sweet people
xoxo

FUCK CANCER!!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 21 Yo

So yesterday we had some really great news!!  I didn't share yesterday as I was still in shock I guess.  I had my ct and xrays in the am.  Early afternoon the results were not in yet but the Doctor felt the tumour in my stomach was shrinking because of all the improvements on eating and reflux/heartburn and such.  Well he came in later on with the news that the tumour in my stomach has beyond shrunk to the point, it's so very small now.....from 10x10cm!!! What the fuck!!!  He himself said it seems to good to be true but very possible.  He did have concern about the bone lesions but said he was going to review the scans with another doctor and we would talk tomorrow (which is actually today) The other part was that they found a 5x5 cm cyst.  Now after going through what I initially went through I was very concerned about this but we talked at length and he himself said numerous times that it is a cyst not a tumour/mass but we will monitor it very closely.

So anyway, to today.  Met with the doc and radiation guy.  They feel that the pain in the neck is more related to muscle then the lesion there.  However, the lesions on my hips and low spin are causing some concern so I am going to have 10 days of radiation starting tomorrow.

Soooooo anyway, we are super happy (cautiously happy) with getting some great news but now I feel that much more convicted and feel the need to fight harder. So that we will.

However, you couldn't wipe the smile off my face last night xoxo

FUCK YOU CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!

Boo Ya!!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 19+1

Good day today, altough I felt like I was running late all day.  Didn't get to clinic until 9:30ih as I had scans this am.  It's going to be weird tomorrow as Alison leaves in the am and Glady's last day was today.  Strange how 3weeks ago they were stragers but today they are sisters who fought the fight with me.  

Alison took us out Playas De Tijuana a local beach.  Beautiful spot with some amazing views.  Very strang driving along the Highway with Two large fences separating the countries.  The fence even went right in to the ocean.  We were wondering what stopped people from swimming out and taking a scoot over but one look up and the multiple helicopters stopped the wondering.  Then went to a local joint there for fresh fish and the most delicious tacos for $1!!!!  Crazy good and super fresh!!

Tomorrow we move to the apartment, so looking forward to having an actual kitchen!

Anywho, signing off tonight as I'm tuckerd....jumping around on the beach is tiring work you know :)

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

Much Love 

xoxo

día 19

Over and out, day is almost over.  Good day overall. Been having some neck and back/hip pain so going to a cat scan and xrays tomorrow to have a boo and see what's going on.  They do not mess around here that is for sure.

Tomorrow is a bitter sweet kinda day, two patients are leaving.  Bitter as it will be strange without them there but sweet as they are going home to their families. Both are going home better then when they arrived and only sending them with good good thoughts.  A and G bless you both and good luck in your continued battle.  xoxoxox

Kyle wanted to go to the fancy restaurant in the hotel.....just because it is expensive doesn't mean it is necessarily good.  Lesson learned :)  Good thing we're still on the fancy floor, snacks in 10 minutes :)

On to Day 20 folks.

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

Woot Woot

Much Love 

xoxo

Day 18 (3rd Sunday)

Best sleep yet. Fell asleep at 10:30 and didn't stir until 8am.  It was delightful!!!!  I wasn't even at all the events this weekend and I'm tuckered :)

Finally got up around 10ish and had some breaky, then out and about with the gals.  Went to a crazy ass market thingy ( a little nerve wrecking ) then to lunch and costco and the mall  We crazy.  Best quote of the day goes to the guy at the restaurant.....after a nice little chat and friendly banter...we said we couldn't drink alchol so he said "double water for everyone"  Might be a you had to be there moment.

Anywho, back at er tomorrow.

Good night sweet people

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

Much Love
xoxox

Day One-Seven :)

You people are fucking crazy.....in good crazy way.  I am speechless at what you all have accomplished.  Truly truly blessed we are.  

WARNING: I may be emotional(ish) today so if you do not want to cry maybe don't go forward.  

From the time we woke up I was hyped, hyped from looking at all the pics of the fundraiser in Calgary, hypes thinking about the day ahead and the event happening at home.  All the while I'm hyped, I was a little sad.  Sad we were not there, sad we could not see everyone, hug everyone.  Enjoy everyone.  Being here by ourselves sucks ass, we put a smile on our faces because that is what we do.  We laugh at silly shit, because that is what we do.  We creep facebook all the fucking time because we miss home so fucking much that any glimpse of you all makes us smile.  So although today was awesome being able to watch everyone coming together it still sucked ass that we were not there.  

I pushed all the sad shit out and looked at what was really going on.  From every picture we looked at over the last 24 hours, we saw people working together for one common goal.  Helping others out.  

I felt the vibe peeps, felt it all.  You brought me back around today, like you have so many times in the last 2 months.  

I cannot even begin to explain how much we appreciate it all (I know I say this all the time) but we do.  Love to you all sweet folks.  Love can heal and this girl is healing now, I can feel myself getting stronger each day and can't wait to get home healthy and strong.  Cannot wait to wrap my arms around my babies, friends and family.  Fuck I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!

Here's another visualization for you all.  When in treatment I always picture the cancer cells dying and while talking to one doctor about it he mentioned the white blood cells were packmaning the cancer cells...what the fuck did you just say Dr A.....love it......so now not only do I get to kill cancer cells I can play a game while doing it......PACKMAN baby!

Oh and I also had a goal of increasing my temp today, a little friendly competition with yourself never hurt anything right.  I was 42.5 last time (I think) so my goal today was 42.8  To achieve this I thought I would try the chamber without the fan on my face....well it worked....up to 43.1  woot woot

Anywho, off to bed I go.

FUCK YOU CANCER (you do not stand a chance against my army)

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG!!

Much Love

xoxoxo

16......

Nice day today.  I went in with so much energy, I'm pretty sure I scared my nurse Rossy :) I am usually the last one leaving the clinic but mentioned to Rossy it would be nice to get out a little easly today as it was Kyles birthday and we wanted to go to the mall.  I was finished a little after 1pm, it was great.  We went to the mall and found some "non scruffy" shoes for me to wear out for supper, a healthy ice cream place (franchise idea???) and a cake place.  We ended up getting a piece for Kyle and bought one to take back to the nurses at the clinic :)  I think they were pretty happy :) Feels nice to pay it forward a bit.

We then were able to relax a bit in the room before heading out for supper for Kyle's Birthday with a few gals fom the clinic. Not being able to talk with the kiddos sucked the big one as I doubt they'll have time to chat with us tomorrow.  So if someone is reading this and is with our children tomorrow please send a message so we can chat xoxoxo

Supper was really nice and "normal" being out with others.  Good(ish) food, great company and nice time out.

Thinking of everyone in Calgary tonight, the planners, the volunteers and everyone who came out to support us.  Looking at pictures and wishing we were there as well.  I still think it's strange to want to be at s fundraiser for you.  Oh well, strange it is.

Looking forward to tomorrows events as well, but oh so wishing we were home to participate.  We are oh so blessed to have all these wonderful people in our lives who have been tirelessly working.  Jeeze I only wish I had others words to really portray how we feel.

Anyway, going to go to bed as tired this evening.

Happy Birthday to my beyond amazing husband, I'll get you a gift when we get home.  Kinda difficult to do when he won't let me be by myself outside of the clinic.  Anywho, we'll celebrate again  later on xoxoxox

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!!

CANADA STRONG BABAY!!!!!

Much Love
xoxoxo

Day 15

I wasn't going to wirte tonight.  To tired from being outside by the pool and enjoying the complimentary private lounge :)  That's right, I just bragged, it was a nice evening, nice to feel "normal" every now and then (well as normal as I'll ever get)

Anywho, back to the not writing tonight.  I wasn't going to but then thought about the people who say they look forward to our nightly updates and such.  So I sat back up (out of my oh so comfy bed) and started writing.

Today was an interesting day, got my temp up to 42.5 in the chamber.  Betty the nurse just smiled and said wow....as that's a pretty good temp.  I was yet again the last one to leave clinic....no idea why i'm always so slow.  Met with Oscar the nurtritionist today.  Was really great to get clarification on a few points.  Moving forward it will be tough but this strict part is only for three months.  We then reevaluate and go from there.  He also said not to freak out about not having the high quality food items here just to do my best and make the best choices possible while here.  Then while talking with Dr Bautista he told me to relax a bit on the food and just make sure I don't lose anymore weight.  I just prefer to do all that I can and feel food is one of the biggies.  I am going to relax on it a little bit and make sure I'm full.

Scary part of the day was one of the patients daughters was assaulted while they tried to rob her.  Very very very scary stuff.  She's a great girl and very worldly for her age.  She fought back and the fuckers only ended up getting her phone.  She made her way back to the clinic and still in shock was able to give details about the assholes.  The cops were called and were super quick to respond.  The showed up with lots of cars and ended up taking the girls with them to try and identify the boys.  They were found and arrested.  I think the boys are lucky in this instance that the cops found them before her momma did.  So very glad you are alright at home with your momma tonight B xoxo

Tomorrow is a fundraiser in Calgary and Saturday night is the one at home.  So terribly sad to be missing these events.  Please take lots of pics for us xoxoxo

Tonight, FUCK THE LITTLE ASSHOLES WHO TRIED TO TAKE HER OUT AND FAILED!!!

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love
xoxo

Day 14

New patient at the clinic today.  I didn't meet her but I did hear her.  A little 4yr old girl.  I only wish I could take away the pain from her for one day.  Life can be so unfair.  It's horrible going through this as an adult but it's such an injustice for sweet little children to have to deal with this.

We were going to hold off switching hotels as we didn't want to spend the extra money.  So we decided to take a scoot down and check out the hotel, well after taking a look we went for it....and upgraded at that.  Oops. We re going to pretend we're on vacation for a week before we move in to the apartment.  Can't wait to show pics, it's a beautiful hotel with a gorgeous pool and such.

Not much else tonight sweet friends.

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 13

I'm not napping after treatment.....sur-fucking-prise!!  This may be two days in a row without napping.  I dare say I have a little bit of energy.

Today was a tough day of missing the kids.  Every fucking thing I looked at reminded me of them. Oh look a chair.....I like to cuddle in chairs with the kids.....oh look a door....remember that time I slammed the door on poor grades fingers (okay not a special memory but a memory none the less).....oh look it's sunny out....jeeze we have fun outside playing in the sun!!

Breath In
Breath Out
Breath In
Breath Out
Life, Love, Laugh, FIGHT
Repeat!

Otherwise today was a good day.  Had a real good chuckle over one patient trying to explain 50 Shades of Grey to another patient asking if she wanted to go with us to see it.  By far the best chuckle of the day.

Ate 3 good meals so far which seems to be helping with my stomach and feeling hungry.  There is a place down the road where you can get a bunch of different foods made fresh....yummy chicken curry :)

Anywho, sweet folks, we're going to watch some Walking Dead and relax until our next meal..haha

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG (I hope you're all dug out, or close to being dug out)

Much Love
xoxo

Day Something or other

I am happy tonight.  I didn't need a nap tonight and my doctor seemed overly happy talking to me today.  He's been very friendly up to this point but every time I talked to him he talked about how serious my disease is (duh, I get that) Maybe I need to cry more and show I'm scared...nah....fuck that. I cried enough to last a lifetime.

When I left his office today I felt good.  Today I mostly had questions about the different machines I use and making sure I'm using them properly to achieve the maximum benefit to me.  Making sure if in his opinion I was holding up my end of the bargain....and I am  :)

We left clinic a little late today and took a trip to Costco and ended up missing talking to the kids which really sucks, have to make sure we watch the clock better.  I get so lost with time here that I blink and it's 4pm.  I spent most of morning looking at pic of the kids in between treatments.  I just have to keep thinking....they are the reason we're doing this....(and for myself obviosuly)....they are why we want to be healthy....they are the reason I WILL KICK THIS SHIT!!!!

Give my babies extra kisses and hugs from us in the morning please xoxoxox

Still struggling with food, but after the costco trip we found some things to make smoothies in the room so hoping that helps keep me full.  The battle is I'm always fucking hungry....the tumour is so big I can only eat small meals but my body is craving food, it's not a nice feeling always being hungry then only being able to eat 1/4 of a meal.  As this thing shrinks I should be able to eat more.  Yay Fucking Ya!!

I've said it before but feel it necessary to say to you all a big THANK YOU, I truly still do not feel you know just how blessed we have felt since everything went down.  There has not been one moment where I've felt "alone" in this. So many people have come together in so many different ways to show support and Love.  It's been amazing and not gone unnoticed, believe me, we see and hear about it all and only wish we knew what more to do then say Thank you, but in my way I"m going to say "FUCK YEA!!!! THANK YOU FUCKERS!!! :)"

FUCK YOU CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG (Even while snowed in)

Much Love
xoxo

Day 11 Beach Day, is it gonna happen??

No beach today.  Had wonderful plans to hit up the beach.  Had a late nap and then jumped in a cab.  While driving we asked how much to the beach and he said $50 so we think that is a big NO.  Almost sure the other guests said it was around $20 which is reasonable.  So today we decided to go eat instead.   We never really know what we are ordering so it was quite comical watching Kyle put his scallop dish to him.  It was so spicy he was sweating bullets!! haha  Had a good chuckle over that.

One thing we keep noticing is people here really know how to dine and dress.  You rarely and I mean rarely see someone in scruffy clothes out.  We have been the scruffy people.  Everyone is dressed right to the nines, even the children. Every restaurant is overflowing with servers who do their best to accommodate.  They bring you a purse stand and  they'll hook you up with hand sanitizer at the table.
I have yet to see a child misbehave or have a public melt down.  Very family oriented.  Only wish we could communicate more.  I did learn how to say "How are you"  that's about it.

Anywho, I really hope everyone back home is safe and sound.  Take your time digging out and for the love of god stay the fuck off the roads!!!!

Hugs to my sweet Livi loo and Grader Grade xoxoxo  Momma and Daddy miss you terribly but time will fly. (edit: and to anyone complaining about being stuck at home with loved ones....suck it up baby....you're pretty damn lucky if we say so)

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG!!

Much Love
xoxo

Valentine Day Down (Day 10ish)

Today is down and out.  I felt a lot of cancer kicking went on today.  Not sure why today but it just felt like it so I'm running with it.  Got my temp up to 42.2 in the chamber which apparently is very good.  I had some tunes in my ears and just sat back and pictures the cancer cells dying as the temp rose.

We had a different nurse today as Rossy was off, he spoke no english so that was a little tough but thank you google translator and I asked about going to eat.  Haha.  Eating seems to still be my biggest challenge, I emailed the nutritionist and hoping he gets back at me soon as I have many questions I need answered.  I really want to stick with the program and get it all together at the same time.

Speaking of Valentines I came back to the room and my sweet husband had a beautiful bouquet of flowers here for me plus a magic bullet for whipping up some smoothies!!!  Yay,  happy woman here tonight :)

Kyle and I are going to relax for the rest of the evening, watch some tv and hoping tomorrow we can get to the beach.  I'd really like to see some water and something other then the hotel room or clinics 4 walls.

Speaking of i think I have him convinced to change hotels yet again.  There is one close that has outside facilities so we can sit outside in the afternoon or evening :) Right dear!!

Rememeber say I love you often and hug lots.

FUCK YOU CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 9 To the Moon and Back!

Yet again I'm tired right out tonight, the Doctor said I would feel like this after 3 days of chemo even though it is lose dose. Got back to the room had a chat with the kids and fell asleep.  Poor Livi was not having a good night she just wanted momma and daddy, tears you apart that is for sure.  It doesn't change my conviction to want to get better just makes me realize how much I miss my sweet babies.  How much I miss grabbing a hold of them.  How much I miss waking up with my sweet girl in my arms (Grade doesn't do well in our bed yet :) ) Tonight I was a bit low so if you could all hug your babies an extra time for us and maybe say a little prayer for my sweet babies that would be great.  Pray to bring light to their hearts and let them know that their momma and daddy love them more then they will ever know.

Going to grab a bite to eat for supper and relax yet again...haha

FUCK YOU CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG!

Much Love
xoxoxo

Day 8 down and out

Day 8 is done, and I'm wiped the fuck out.  I say it's because I kicked cancers ass today.  Did another day of lose dose chemo (without ipt today) but hit it with the light things x4, the bed, rife, sono and then had a go at the chamber (my second time) point is to get your temp up and that I did.  I got up to 41.5 which apparently is good!!! I wanted to stop 20 mins in as it was so hot but at this point what the fuck is 20 more minutes.  Betty the nurse turned the fan on and I think she could tell I was getting close to my threshold so she wiped my face and head down with a nice cool cloth.  It really helped me get over that hump.  (picture a bed with lamps that they zip up the sides and all around your face and crank the heat inside)  I dare say I rocked that shit!!!!

With all that cancer fighting I was super tired tonight so came home and slept for a couple hours.  I was super nauseous last night so was sent home with more meds tonight to try and curb that.

My dear hubby spent the day making sure our life her is comfortable and did some sight seeing.  Glad he is at least able to get out and experience.  Hoping I will be able to in a couple weeks.  I did ask the doctor if I could start going on the treadmill and maybe lift a few weights but was told a big resounding no!  Haha  I'll ask again next week.

Trying to push missing our babies out of my head and not let that sadness in, it's really great to be able to talk to them but sometimes make me miss them that much more that we cannot wrap our friggin arms around them.  Soon enough sweet babie, soon enough xoxoxoxox

There are a few different rooms but there really is just two main rooms where our treatments are done, ours got a little crazy this afternoon and convo's got a little silly.  It was great :)

Today CANCER YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!!

(Gonna change it up a bit today) MEXICO STRONG!!!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 7

Good evening my loves.  Tonight is another tired night.  Last night was a restless sleep as I was a bit unconfortable with pain from the line and today was along ass day.  I had my first treatment of lose does chemo today in conjuction with the ipt (so insulin and then hit it with glucose)  When I'm getting the treatments I just keep picturing the cancer shrinking and going away....shrinking and running scared bitches :)

Food is coming around, kyle has figured out the local grocery store and picks up some veggies and fruit for us to snack on plus getting our meals at the clinic during the day.  It is a huge learning curve that will take some time i'm sure.

I would like to start getting out more after clinic but I've been so tired I just like to come back and have a nap.  I do however think it's necessary to keep doing things so will have a chat with the doc and see what he thinks.

oh and last night I was notified I had been nominated by council as the Provincial Representative Volunteer for the Mnicipality of West Hants.  How cool is that!!!!  I was very shocked but think it's pretty cool :)

Anywho, going to grab some supper and do what we do folks.

FUCK CANCER!!!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

Much Love
xoxoxo

Day 6

What I found out today

Me and sedatives are still not friends.  I was high in Mexico, and not the i'm 20 partying it up in Tijuana kind, but the I got a main line put in my clavicle and I was all hoped up for most of the day.  Haha

So what I''m saying is I'm tuckered right out tonight and going for a snooze and supper. 

See you tomorrow my loves xoxoxo

FUCK YOU CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love

xo

Day 5

Good Evening ya'll

Day 5 is over and done, finished up early today so was nice to come back to the room and have a nap.  I didn't end up with the clavicle line today as was told tomorrow am.  Hopefully as my dear arms are not liking the ivs at all.  I swear I'm like a delicate flower.

Learning more each day and finding new ways to fight this fucking cancer.  Luckily there's a couple gals (patients) at the clinic that have been sending a few pointers my way to help me get the most out of my treatments.  Even though this is the route we've chosen it's still very strange to not be receiving  conventional medical treatment.

I was talking to someone special tonight and she sounded a bit low, she said it's been weird as we all spent so much time together since diagnosis (even before) and now that we're gone it's strange.  I hope you all realize that even though our body is here our souls are at home with you all, so when you're feeling a bit low just have a think about a crazy moment we've shared, smile at the good times and just think I'll be back better then ever......and hopefully with a little bit of Spanish in my lingo.  I'll most likely drive you all bat shit crazy with some random catch phrase I picked up.

Oh and if you could all give my sweeties a little hug and kiss from us when you see them that would be great.

Kyle cooked our first meal in the room.  Stir fry with cukes and pineapple on the side :) Yummy (and way fucking cheaper)

FUCK YOU CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

HANTS COUNTY STRONG!!!


Sleep easy my loves
xoxoxoxo

Day 4 Sunday=Rest Day

Last night was by far the best sleep in dayssssss.  I fell asleep just after 6pm and slept until after 9.  I then woke up had a shower and read for a few.  Went back to bed until after 6 this am.  It felt really good.

We layed around for the most part this am.  Kyle hit up the gym then decided we'd go meet the other patients meeting up at the cultural centre.  Only problem I forgot what time and where they were meeting....haha...oops.  So Kyle and I decided to walk over to the Cultural Centre and have a look around.  What a great place!  We started in the art gallery part, which even though so out of character for us was really neat.  Then scooted over to the part that showed the history of the Baja California area (where we are) So cool to look through all of that.  It was quite full and had so many different activies for the kids.  I was starving so we went for lunch at a buffett and then hit up the mall.  A really cute shirt for only 89mxn (6usd)  YES PLEASE....it was so cute :)

If anyone comes to visit we are so hitting up the mall...(insert sarcasm)...Kyle was such a great shopping companion :)  (oh and apparently don't stick your finger in hair products)

What I've learned today:

Tijuana is no different from anywhere else.  There were so many families out and about enjoying everything going on.

We are assholes who do not know the local language.  I want to work on that this week. We are in this county we should know how to communicate, everyone has been so nice to us.  It's only right we know how to communicate here.



Our internet was out most of the day and finally got to talk to Livi tonight. THis is now the longest I've been away from the kids.  It's not easier but I just keep thinking keep your eye on the prize and get your ass better......(oh and I thinkdon't kill your husband in Tijuana as I heard the "big jail" is difficult and I'll most likely get thrown in the slammer for a veryyyyy long time, don't think I'd do jail well)

Anywho,  hopefully tomorrow we can borrow our box of kitchen supplies and start cooking some small meals here in the room to save some mula.


FUCK YOU CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT.

Today instead of my HANTS COUNTY STRONG tag I think:

CANADA STRONG!!!! (seems fitting xoxoxox)

Much Love
xoxo

Day 3

Much the same today. Met another Dr who does the Saturday shift plus met The nutritionist. Both were very kind and intelligent.  I have the next couple days of food to myself  and start Monday. Pasta tonight :)

I had a temp pic line in and that was taken out today as I get a perm one in Monday. Make things easier as the veins in my arm are not liking the Iv's right now. I'd say it's because I'm delicate like a flower. Haha

Sorry not much today folks. This momma is tired and I can't get my ipad to connect so I'll deal with it tomorrow. We're going rob grab some supper here soon and then veg for the night.

Tomorrow we are going to go to the cultural centre with some other patients. I feel like a mini heard of cancer patients running around Tijuana. The best part is they all have a story and I enjoy hearing their stories.

Miss you all but big ole hugs and kisses to Livi Loo and Grader. Miss you more then anything my sweet babies. Xoxoxox

FUCK YOU CANCER!!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

Day 2 Baby

Well Day 2 is over.  Definitely getting in to more of a groove and finding my way.  Had my first Hyperthermia (heat your body up) and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  I was not looking forward to the temperatures as I'm not a big fan of heat but I made it through a ok.

Kyle did some exploring and found us another hotel directly across the street from the clinic so he can now walk back and forth during the day.  He was out with another patients husband and did some exploring of local markets and stores.  So moving forward we are going to borrow a box of kitchen stuff from the hotel and start making small meals in our room.  We're finding eating out for the meals while not at clinic is going to start adding up.  This was we can cook some eggs and stuff for brekkie and save a bunch.

The best part of the day was skyping with the kiddos a few times.  They are so stinking cute, god love them.  It was very cute when Livi asked if momma still had cancer.  God bless the little darling xoxox

Any who, off to find myself a burger for supper tonight as I meet with Oscar the strict (but incredibly smart) nutritionist tomorrow and really really want a burger...haha

FUCK YOU CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 1

I am in Tijuana, Mexico for medical treatment because I have cancer....fucking Cancer.  Can you fucking imagine!  Oh my goodness, every time  I say it out loud it seems like a dream......with random nightmares.

Yesterday was such a messed up day.  Leaving was horrible, worst then I thought but it was easier not having them at the airport.  Although all I really wanted was one last snuggle right before we walked away.  I'll have to settle for the hug pillows mom had made (I've tried to figure out how to add pics to the blog and still have no clue) All I could think of was I hope the kids do not think we left them, that we abandoned them.  You can tell me a zillion times they won't feel like that but it doesn't matter.....you still feel it and still want to make it all better.  Thankfully my babies are feeling the love from so many and that makes it much easier.

For the non travellers we are I felt we did pretty good getting our asses to a foreign country.  (I sometimes feel like hfx is too far...haha) We arrived last night around 8:30pm (12:30am Hants County time) and were super duper tired.  Ordered a meal as I had to fast for clinic today.

All was well and we made it to the clinic via hotel transportation.  Thank goodness for that as I am 100% positive our marriage could not make it through driving here (cancer we can do...Tijuana driving we cannot)

First day at the clinic was interesting.  Very clean and super duper nice nurses but different.  I guess that's what Alternative is...different from what you are use to.  What's so great is that everyone is so very positive....and have heard some really great success stories, one specifically from a girl currently in treatment.

So onward and upward right

FUCK YOU CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

Much Love
xoxo

Ti-juana go to Mexico (get it Do you wanna go to Mexico)

Okay so my joke is not that clever but I am tired and that's all I could muster up.  The last 36 hours have most definitely been the hardest for me.  Leaving the kids was gut wrenching and I can only hope that this is worth it.
We have made it to the hotel.  Been a crazy emotional crazy day but we are laying in bed with full bellies and all showered at our intended destination.  That has to be a success :)
I'll update more tomorrow as right now this gal is closing her eyes to get some shut eye for the big day tomorrow.

Liv and Grade I miss you both so much and cannot wait to wrap my arms around you xoxoxoxoxox

FUCK YOU CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!

HANTS COUNTY (and beyond) STRONG baby :)

Much Love
xoxo

It's bullshit

Sitting here snuggling my sweet baby girl while watching my sweet baby boy on the monitor thinking how the fuck did my body grow such beautiful creatures and then grow such a vile fucking disease. Tonight I hate you CANCER, yes you can go fuck yourself!!

Declaration

I DECLARE I have the grace I need for today.  I am FULL of POWER , STRENGTH, and DETERMINATION. NOTHING I face will be too much for me.  I WILL OVERCOME every obstacle, OUTLAST every challenge, and come through every difficulty better off than I was before. This is MY Declaration!!!!

6 weeks ago tomorrow I went in for a routine "large mass" removal and life as I knew it changed.  I've been through "shit" before and felt the love of the many who helped bring us through each and every tragic event but I cannot even begin to explain how I feel when I look around our crazy house, full of crazy people.

To our wonderful family, we love you all and thank you for standing beside us and being the great people that you are.  I know some people say you cannot choose your family but if given the opportunity to go back and choose I'd choose each and every one of you (even if there are moments we want to throat punch each other...eh) Love you all more then you know.

To my sweet sweet beautiful friends, I do not think you all truly know how complete you make me feel.  I've often said you gals were my soul mates (Sorry Kyle :)) and will miss you all terribly while away.  I only want to grow old and be bat shit crazy elders running around driving all the youngins nuts with you.  We've shared many a season with each other and hoping this is just a nasty season that needs to end.  Love you all so much xoxoxo

To my absolutely amazing husband, you my love are the very best there is.  You have stood beside me and had my back from the day we met and the last 6 weeks have been no different.  I never in a million thought we'd have to go through this but so glad you are here with me.  You are by far the most amazing father (although the kids get their best qualities from me ;) ) and know whatever happens our babies will be well taken care of.  Just make sure they know their momma and how much I love them!!!

To our many supporters Thank you.  Thank you for opening your heart to us and sending so much positivity our way!!  Thank you for your generosity and help whatever it may be. We are a proud bunch but please know you have helped ease the financial burden and you will forever be in our hearts.  You have made the day a little easier by helping prepare a meal.  You have dropped off a card that put a smile on our face.  You dropped off books to help educate.  You sent a message that made me think, fuck yea I can do this.  You have made our lives easier in all the you do.

And to my babies.  You are the reason I will do whatever I need to do.  You are the most amazing children a momma could ask for.  You drive me nuts but make me want to snuggle you at the same time.  You are the reason I breath and bring so much joy to our lives!!  Please forgive me for leaving you but I promise it's only just a blip in time.  We'll be back before you know it and god willing your momma will be healthier and stronger and here for a lot longer.  I promise you will be well taken care of and loved beyond words while we are away.

FUCK you CANCER, I will OUTLAST YOU!!!!

I DECLARE: I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!!

HANTS COUNTY (CANADA) STRONG!!!!!!

MUCH LOVE
XOXOXO