So back at the clininc admitted for the night (maybe more) my vision went all wonkly again so here I am. Hoping an increase in steriods will help solve the problem.
Best part of this blog is that I am ready to come home, we are done with cancer treatments and will be booking flight home as soon as I am stable enough to travel. Hoping sooner rather then later. We've been followed by gut instinct thus far so let's hope we're on the right road again.
FUCK CANCER!!!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
Wednesday 29 April 2015
Sunday 26 April 2015
Sunday,.....day...something
Best day I've had in a week. Feeling much more like myself and my vision was much better today!!!
Hoping with each day I'll see improvements there and be back as good as new :)
Going to keep on keeping on like always!! Thanks to everyone for doing what you're doing and keeping up doing what you're doing :)
As always!!
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON TE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
XOXO
Hoping with each day I'll see improvements there and be back as good as new :)
Going to keep on keeping on like always!! Thanks to everyone for doing what you're doing and keeping up doing what you're doing :)
As always!!
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON TE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
XOXO
Saturday 25 April 2015
Catch up Day
Sorry for not writing the last few days . Still recovering from surgery and trying to get my bearings. Things have been up and down and all around fucking crazy. Starting to feel a lot better today. Promise to try and stay in touch but for now please have patience while I deal with shitty vision and that makes it hard to write.
Love you all. Thank You for all the well wishes lovins and prayers.
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON TE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love X0X0
Love you all. Thank You for all the well wishes lovins and prayers.
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON TE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love X0X0
Monday 20 April 2015
Day 74.5
Well well well, quite a couple days ya'll
Here I sit getting pumped full of the p's in preparation for surgery. Taking it easy and being the good doobie that I am (right Kyle and Mom)
What's actually happening in my head is a different story: See my delightufly wonderful DrD (If you read this and want me to remove your name let me know and I will xo) told me to take it easy....easy...what??? Okay, no problem. I made a 3 day deal with them all. I'll listen and take it easy. So I'm sitting on the side of my bed complaining about wanting to get out and about and of course Kyle and Deb are like "blah blah blah, you can't, blah blah blah" In my mind the next 5 mins plays out like this......
I snapped, I jumped up and squished their heads together all the while tangling their arms in a knot so they couldn't give chase.....I'm so lightening fast that I bolt out of the room.....I have a momentarily lapse in memory and forget about the two separate poles on either side of my bed holding all my different meds...I power through the door with both poles dangling complete with meds falling behind me. As I round the corner to make my escape I see the night Dr and Nurse R.......I fake left, fake right and just scoot by.....they give chase and grab the tail end of a pole as I'm making my way through the doors. Lucky for me they grabbed a bag of meds that easily rips off and I have my breakaway moment down the stairs and out the door, freedom, sweet freedom....haha
............or I just sat on the side of my bed and play out little fairy tales in my head :) After such a serious couple days I think a little ha ha was in order for tonight and this little side story did it for me :)
Anywho,
You have all came out in droves to support us yet again. Thank you so much, we very much appreciate the thoughts and prayers.
I will be signing off early tonight and will update when possible tomorrow.
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
Here I sit getting pumped full of the p's in preparation for surgery. Taking it easy and being the good doobie that I am (right Kyle and Mom)
What's actually happening in my head is a different story: See my delightufly wonderful DrD (If you read this and want me to remove your name let me know and I will xo) told me to take it easy....easy...what??? Okay, no problem. I made a 3 day deal with them all. I'll listen and take it easy. So I'm sitting on the side of my bed complaining about wanting to get out and about and of course Kyle and Deb are like "blah blah blah, you can't, blah blah blah" In my mind the next 5 mins plays out like this......
I snapped, I jumped up and squished their heads together all the while tangling their arms in a knot so they couldn't give chase.....I'm so lightening fast that I bolt out of the room.....I have a momentarily lapse in memory and forget about the two separate poles on either side of my bed holding all my different meds...I power through the door with both poles dangling complete with meds falling behind me. As I round the corner to make my escape I see the night Dr and Nurse R.......I fake left, fake right and just scoot by.....they give chase and grab the tail end of a pole as I'm making my way through the doors. Lucky for me they grabbed a bag of meds that easily rips off and I have my breakaway moment down the stairs and out the door, freedom, sweet freedom....haha
............or I just sat on the side of my bed and play out little fairy tales in my head :) After such a serious couple days I think a little ha ha was in order for tonight and this little side story did it for me :)
Anywho,
You have all came out in droves to support us yet again. Thank you so much, we very much appreciate the thoughts and prayers.
I will be signing off early tonight and will update when possible tomorrow.
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
Day 73 rolling in to Day 74 SURGERY UPDATE
Good Day All
I know I missed a day but unfortunately yesterday couldn't be helped. My headache came back with avengence in the in wees hours Saturday. I had to go to clininc anyway Sunday morning so the nurses had a look and tried to help, and when the pain didn't improve over morning the doc was called in. After being looked over and sent for scans it was found that I have a brain bleed and that surgery will be necessary today.
The pain was gotten under control last evening around 9ish and was able to eat and open my eyes. It was a terribly scary day but thankfully Kyle and Mom were here by my side (literally, didn't leave a 10foot radius) plus the docs and nurses at the clininc were here all night long. We will keep you all updated throughout the day as things progress.
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
SURGERY UPDATE:
Hi All
Surgery will happen tomorrow at 11am my time. Today is surgery prep getting some plasma and platlettes in to me. Thank you for all the kind thoughts and prayers, you are all here in spirit and we CAN feel it. xoxo
Update when have more info.
I know I missed a day but unfortunately yesterday couldn't be helped. My headache came back with avengence in the in wees hours Saturday. I had to go to clininc anyway Sunday morning so the nurses had a look and tried to help, and when the pain didn't improve over morning the doc was called in. After being looked over and sent for scans it was found that I have a brain bleed and that surgery will be necessary today.
The pain was gotten under control last evening around 9ish and was able to eat and open my eyes. It was a terribly scary day but thankfully Kyle and Mom were here by my side (literally, didn't leave a 10foot radius) plus the docs and nurses at the clininc were here all night long. We will keep you all updated throughout the day as things progress.
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
SURGERY UPDATE:
Hi All
Surgery will happen tomorrow at 11am my time. Today is surgery prep getting some plasma and platlettes in to me. Thank you for all the kind thoughts and prayers, you are all here in spirit and we CAN feel it. xoxo
Update when have more info.
Saturday 18 April 2015
Day 72 of Star log (hahaha)
Well my mom is here!!!!!! Unfortunately for her I was wide awake and hungry at 6am and she just happened to be in that area sleeping, and just so happened to be woken up by noise in the kitchen hummm :)
So mom and I had some brekky together to start the day. It was nice to just sit and enjoy mom and maybe, just maybe, talk her ear off. We were able to partake in another special moment this morning. Congrats E on the big D!!
Off to clinic for mom and I. Me for reg treatment day and mom started a 5 day cleanse, nice for her to be able to spend the time in treatment with me and see the ins and out of how it really works every day. It was a pretty easy day for me, being done the earliest I've been done in weeks but then having to wait for her was pretty funny.
We then headed to the hotel for the afternoon/evening of hanging out. Not much to report today dear folks.
It is Dr/Nurse/Caregiver of any kind prop time though. My goodness you people work hard. I know I know not all do but the majority of all I 've ever seen and witness DO and they DO NOT friggin STOP!!!! I was literally exhausted watching my nurses today. I've been pretty blessed over this whole journey with amazing caregivers who have gone out of their way to be of help (Starting at home right up to now) so just wanted to say a big Thank you to you all tonight!! You do not go unrecognized in my families world!!!
Going to sign off, hang out in the comfy bed and relax for the rest of the evening.
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
So mom and I had some brekky together to start the day. It was nice to just sit and enjoy mom and maybe, just maybe, talk her ear off. We were able to partake in another special moment this morning. Congrats E on the big D!!
Off to clinic for mom and I. Me for reg treatment day and mom started a 5 day cleanse, nice for her to be able to spend the time in treatment with me and see the ins and out of how it really works every day. It was a pretty easy day for me, being done the earliest I've been done in weeks but then having to wait for her was pretty funny.
We then headed to the hotel for the afternoon/evening of hanging out. Not much to report today dear folks.
It is Dr/Nurse/Caregiver of any kind prop time though. My goodness you people work hard. I know I know not all do but the majority of all I 've ever seen and witness DO and they DO NOT friggin STOP!!!! I was literally exhausted watching my nurses today. I've been pretty blessed over this whole journey with amazing caregivers who have gone out of their way to be of help (Starting at home right up to now) so just wanted to say a big Thank you to you all tonight!! You do not go unrecognized in my families world!!!
Going to sign off, hang out in the comfy bed and relax for the rest of the evening.
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
Friday 17 April 2015
Day 71 Yo
Another nice relaxing day at clinic, thank you lord!! I didn't have a headache starting out the day (I did however take a pain shot around 5am....little preventative med today) and the lack of nasty headache definitley made for a much better day. Our room is pretty full but everyone in there seems to respect the fact that we are all having treatments and we will all be taken care of and have our time.
Kyle and I took a quick walk to the mall, home for supper, a little veg then out for another little walk. It's so stinking boring sitting around and I'm trying to get as much walking in without going overboard. Now we are patiently waiting for J the driver from the clininc to come get us so we can go get momma!!! yay
Also found a place we can stop and I can grab a burger, yes a burger as they have a bun option with lettuce...ummm Fuck YES!!!! Anywho who knows me know I love hamburgers!!!! So the fact that I can have this with a little cheat (mayo) is friggin awesome!!!!!!! They do say they use real ground beef that is antibiotic....and all that stuff free, even though I question that, tonight I don't :)
EDIT/UPDATE:The hamburger was NOT worth it mostly (i'm sure) because I was still expecting a fast food type taste and well that's not what happened. K & J did however have the typical hamburger and chilli cheese fries and although I wanted them for a split second I actually felt better knowing I didn't eat them in the end. I can only imagine how the nastyiness would have made me feel.
Andddddd that hamburger will be picked up on the way to get my momma!!!!!!!
I'll post on Fb when we have her so you all know.
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
Kyle and I took a quick walk to the mall, home for supper, a little veg then out for another little walk. It's so stinking boring sitting around and I'm trying to get as much walking in without going overboard. Now we are patiently waiting for J the driver from the clininc to come get us so we can go get momma!!! yay
Also found a place we can stop and I can grab a burger, yes a burger as they have a bun option with lettuce...ummm Fuck YES!!!! Anywho who knows me know I love hamburgers!!!! So the fact that I can have this with a little cheat (mayo) is friggin awesome!!!!!!! They do say they use real ground beef that is antibiotic....and all that stuff free, even though I question that, tonight I don't :)
EDIT/UPDATE:The hamburger was NOT worth it mostly (i'm sure) because I was still expecting a fast food type taste and well that's not what happened. K & J did however have the typical hamburger and chilli cheese fries and although I wanted them for a split second I actually felt better knowing I didn't eat them in the end. I can only imagine how the nastyiness would have made me feel.
Andddddd that hamburger will be picked up on the way to get my momma!!!!!!!
I'll post on Fb when we have her so you all know.
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
Thursday 16 April 2015
Day 70
What a CALM, QUIET day in our treatment room today. It was delightfully delightful. Only thing that sucked for me was an insane headache but because it was quiet I was able to go inside my own head for a bit and relax.
I was very disappointment when Dr. Bautista said he wants to wait until next week to start my chemo again. I know he's not doing it intentionally and he only wants me in the best possible form to hit it but at this point I just want to get going. I have 2 weeks left so let's rock the shit out of this. In the end I trusted to this point so I'll listen on this obviously. I will be getting iron the next few days to get my counts up and they will be checking just to make sure all is well this weekend.
On the plus side momma flies in again tomorrow night for a week!!!! Yay!!!!
You know, I still get messages from people daily, I have to say I'm a little surprised as I figured it would have slowed down by now but it seems to pick up speed during certain times. It's pretty cool to hear what everyone has to say and I do read each and every one. I may not always respond in a timely manner but I do try my best. I also read each and every comment on this blog. I stopped responding here as some were posting and some were not but again I do see and read each and every comment.
The anticipation is building here as the count down is on. It's extremely nerve wrecking thinking about it but we both cannot wait to get on NS SOIL!!!!!!!! GAH!!!!!!
Kyle found a recipe for brownies that I can eat!!!!! Let's give er a go!!!
Anywho, trying for this early to bedtime thing again so off I go.
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM Of MY FOOT!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
I was very disappointment when Dr. Bautista said he wants to wait until next week to start my chemo again. I know he's not doing it intentionally and he only wants me in the best possible form to hit it but at this point I just want to get going. I have 2 weeks left so let's rock the shit out of this. In the end I trusted to this point so I'll listen on this obviously. I will be getting iron the next few days to get my counts up and they will be checking just to make sure all is well this weekend.
On the plus side momma flies in again tomorrow night for a week!!!! Yay!!!!
You know, I still get messages from people daily, I have to say I'm a little surprised as I figured it would have slowed down by now but it seems to pick up speed during certain times. It's pretty cool to hear what everyone has to say and I do read each and every one. I may not always respond in a timely manner but I do try my best. I also read each and every comment on this blog. I stopped responding here as some were posting and some were not but again I do see and read each and every comment.
The anticipation is building here as the count down is on. It's extremely nerve wrecking thinking about it but we both cannot wait to get on NS SOIL!!!!!!!! GAH!!!!!!
Kyle found a recipe for brownies that I can eat!!!!! Let's give er a go!!!
Anywho, trying for this early to bedtime thing again so off I go.
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM Of MY FOOT!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
Wednesday 15 April 2015
Day 69
I went in the Chamber!!!!! Woot woot. I was only in for 30 mins but I was in there none the less and I reached HI temp which is great. It felt nice to be back in there and battle against my mind a little bit more.
After clinic we took a scoot out to Playas d'Tijuana to hang out with B,N and L from the clinic. We ended up at Titos for tacos and then had a nice little walk back to their apartment. Nice to act "normal" for a few minutes of the day that's for sure.
Was really great getting home to internet and seeing the videos mom posted of her receiving the volunteers awards on my behalf.. So very humbling and actually made me quite emotional. Thank you ya'll, especially JD for the nomination.
Again, trying this early to bed thing so off I go.
Sweet Dreams ya'll
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
Much Love
xoxo
After clinic we took a scoot out to Playas d'Tijuana to hang out with B,N and L from the clinic. We ended up at Titos for tacos and then had a nice little walk back to their apartment. Nice to act "normal" for a few minutes of the day that's for sure.
Was really great getting home to internet and seeing the videos mom posted of her receiving the volunteers awards on my behalf.. So very humbling and actually made me quite emotional. Thank you ya'll, especially JD for the nomination.
Again, trying this early to bed thing so off I go.
Sweet Dreams ya'll
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
Much Love
xoxo
Tuesday 14 April 2015
Day 68 STILL NO CHAMBER
Good day all in all yet again. I danced and sang around today, I took two steps at a time (3x's) had some good belly laughs, had a great walk a few good talks and am smiling at the end of the day. That my friends is a good day!!!
buttttttt..........still no chamber. My blood is up and I was given the okay so tomorrow I'll be in there even if it means crawling in on top of someone to accommodate it. haha I need the battle right now, I need to be able to go in there knowing damn well I want out and then NOT GET OUT!!!!
FYI, Tomorrow's blog may have a TMI section :)
One thing I will never get use to is City Living!!! I've tried, I've put in a valiant attempt but my goodness, there is no quiet!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!!! and BUILDINGS every where!!!!!!! gah!!!!!!
I've tried every inch of this apartment and there is no such thing as a quiet area. I just do not think it's possible in a city. I do however have ear plugs so tonight me thinks those will have to do :)
I'm off to prepare my sneak attack on the chamber so good night sweet folks. Have a great sleep and see you all in the am.
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
Much Love
xoxo
buttttttt..........still no chamber. My blood is up and I was given the okay so tomorrow I'll be in there even if it means crawling in on top of someone to accommodate it. haha I need the battle right now, I need to be able to go in there knowing damn well I want out and then NOT GET OUT!!!!
FYI, Tomorrow's blog may have a TMI section :)
One thing I will never get use to is City Living!!! I've tried, I've put in a valiant attempt but my goodness, there is no quiet!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!!! and BUILDINGS every where!!!!!!! gah!!!!!!
I've tried every inch of this apartment and there is no such thing as a quiet area. I just do not think it's possible in a city. I do however have ear plugs so tonight me thinks those will have to do :)
I'm off to prepare my sneak attack on the chamber so good night sweet folks. Have a great sleep and see you all in the am.
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
Much Love
xoxo
Monday 13 April 2015
Day 67
Days are up and down but I can finally say I had A GREAT DAY!!!! Nothing in particular, nothing stands out as the defining spotlight, but at this moment, sitting on my little couch, in my little apartment in Tijuana I feel like I had a good day!!!! I felt like some cancer fighting went on and physically I feel really good right now.
One thing I do have to do is clear my conscience. I know what your response will be but I'm going to say it anyway. I am done saying sorry for my community (family,friends,acquaintances, all of you who have been so strongly supporting us through this all)!! WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY AND WHAT THE FUCK DO I MEAN?
When I talk about home and I'm chatting with someone who doesn't necessarily have the "community" support I do, I say sorry.....then continue along with my awesome community story. I feel the need to apologize for just how stinking amazing all of you are and for that I truly am sorry. Isn't that absurb.
Well dear folks, I am no longer going to say sorry for just how amazing you all are, when I talk about home theres no way for my heart to not open up and just spill happiness all over the place and I'm going to celebrate that more and quit the SORRY!!!
Well, now that you think I'm all off my rocker this chick is off to bed.
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
One thing I do have to do is clear my conscience. I know what your response will be but I'm going to say it anyway. I am done saying sorry for my community (family,friends,acquaintances, all of you who have been so strongly supporting us through this all)!! WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY AND WHAT THE FUCK DO I MEAN?
When I talk about home and I'm chatting with someone who doesn't necessarily have the "community" support I do, I say sorry.....then continue along with my awesome community story. I feel the need to apologize for just how stinking amazing all of you are and for that I truly am sorry. Isn't that absurb.
Well dear folks, I am no longer going to say sorry for just how amazing you all are, when I talk about home theres no way for my heart to not open up and just spill happiness all over the place and I'm going to celebrate that more and quit the SORRY!!!
Well, now that you think I'm all off my rocker this chick is off to bed.
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
Sunday 12 April 2015
Day 66 written on time :)
Lazy sunday day and not much to report so I think I'll sign off early have a shower, lay in bed and relax for the evening.
Good night sweet folks!
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
Much Love
xoxo
Day 65 (Written Early Sunday am)
Good morning ya'll. Yesterday was a strange strange day and just didn't get on to write last night.
Had a very slow relaxing day in clinic. My Rosy was off and in her place was Roger. A young newish nurse who so desperately wants to make sure he does everything right he tends to be a little slower. I don't mind at all as he is super diligent and takes his time to make sure it's just perfect. Unfortunately had some eating issues yesterday, there really was nothing prepared through the clinic that I could eat so that made for a bit of a longer day, I still need to make sure I get lots of meals in during the day. Kyle ran to the apartment and brought some snacks back which helped get through the day.
Before starting my clinic day I was able to stay in touch with Mom and the other dance moms via a fb thread and be involved with Liv's first dance competition. Thank you ladies for keeping us up to date and involved, it made a not so pleasant "missing" home wayyyyyyy easier. I also have to admit that I ate a little crow while watching. I initially didn't want Liv in the Comp dance but am oh so glad she pushed for it. The light in her eyes was just awesome to see!!!
On to the evening and the Dinner theatre, wowowowowowowow, just WOW!!!! I still find it hard to wrap my head around all that our community is doing for us. You guys are just amazing and we can't thank you all enough for everything! So this is me opening up my arms (and they're long) wrapping you all in a big ole hug....then dropping some big ole kisses on your cheeks, and then when you think the hug is done.....it's not really.....I keep snuggling....haha! That was nice eh :)
Oh and this totally happened......http://eleanorbeaton.com/blog/post/lisa-wood.....yup...I'm a fierce woman. Was so honoured to have initially been asked and even more so now after seeing this on Eleanors's blog. I've been a fan of hers for a while so was floored when approached and a little intimidated to tell the truth. In the end I answered like I write on here and I think you get the just of me. Thank you so very much for the opportunity to get my word out on such a great platform Eleanor!!!
A special group of others have been on my mind since late yesterday, you know who you are and I love you to bits. I desperately wish I was home for that hug and kiss but know all will be well in the end....xoxoxoxoxoxoxox.....love you!!!
Time is ticking on home time and I couldn't be more excited. Still so very stressed about food as it literally controls every part of my life. My goal over the next week is to really start focusing on the positive of food. Not what I can't but what I can and go from there. Unfortunately for everyone else I can't see me stopping bitching about the bad stuff....it's how it's going to be....I know...annoying but at this point it's what I know will happen and it's what I need. I'm a talker and voicing it is what I know.
Anywho, just waiting on my food (yup 4:30 am in Tj and I ordered chicken broth)
There is some intense police drama outside the hotel so sleep will ellude me once again me think :)
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
Clinic ready baby!!!
Had a very slow relaxing day in clinic. My Rosy was off and in her place was Roger. A young newish nurse who so desperately wants to make sure he does everything right he tends to be a little slower. I don't mind at all as he is super diligent and takes his time to make sure it's just perfect. Unfortunately had some eating issues yesterday, there really was nothing prepared through the clinic that I could eat so that made for a bit of a longer day, I still need to make sure I get lots of meals in during the day. Kyle ran to the apartment and brought some snacks back which helped get through the day.
Before starting my clinic day I was able to stay in touch with Mom and the other dance moms via a fb thread and be involved with Liv's first dance competition. Thank you ladies for keeping us up to date and involved, it made a not so pleasant "missing" home wayyyyyyy easier. I also have to admit that I ate a little crow while watching. I initially didn't want Liv in the Comp dance but am oh so glad she pushed for it. The light in her eyes was just awesome to see!!!
On to the evening and the Dinner theatre, wowowowowowowow, just WOW!!!! I still find it hard to wrap my head around all that our community is doing for us. You guys are just amazing and we can't thank you all enough for everything! So this is me opening up my arms (and they're long) wrapping you all in a big ole hug....then dropping some big ole kisses on your cheeks, and then when you think the hug is done.....it's not really.....I keep snuggling....haha! That was nice eh :)
Oh and this totally happened......http://eleanorbeaton.com/blog/post/lisa-wood.....yup...I'm a fierce woman. Was so honoured to have initially been asked and even more so now after seeing this on Eleanors's blog. I've been a fan of hers for a while so was floored when approached and a little intimidated to tell the truth. In the end I answered like I write on here and I think you get the just of me. Thank you so very much for the opportunity to get my word out on such a great platform Eleanor!!!
A special group of others have been on my mind since late yesterday, you know who you are and I love you to bits. I desperately wish I was home for that hug and kiss but know all will be well in the end....xoxoxoxoxoxoxox.....love you!!!
Time is ticking on home time and I couldn't be more excited. Still so very stressed about food as it literally controls every part of my life. My goal over the next week is to really start focusing on the positive of food. Not what I can't but what I can and go from there. Unfortunately for everyone else I can't see me stopping bitching about the bad stuff....it's how it's going to be....I know...annoying but at this point it's what I know will happen and it's what I need. I'm a talker and voicing it is what I know.
Anywho, just waiting on my food (yup 4:30 am in Tj and I ordered chicken broth)
There is some intense police drama outside the hotel so sleep will ellude me once again me think :)
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT
HANTS COUNTY STRONG
Much Love
xoxo
Clinic ready baby!!!
Friday 10 April 2015
Day 64
NO SLEEP LAST NIGHT, gah!!! TMI Warning: I had a protein shake last night (goat protein) and ended up with a nasty reflux/throw up in mouth mix around 2 am. Needless to say there was no more sleep and if you've had goat anything then you know there is a distinct taste. I was fine just think the shake didn't settle well.
The day at clinic was pretty easy going again, I was done pretty early and was able to enjoy some freedom (kinda) actually none at all, but that's okay and apparently my new reality for a while :)
While waiting for lunch Kyle and B showed up to make sure that my backpack was packed lightly.....yes.....they came to clinic to check the weight of my backpack.....to make sure I could "handle" getting it home. It's odd and annoying and heartfelt and frustrating to have someone always wanting to help. I know they were only looking out for me but seriously, go to your fucking ball game. haha
Then Miss J showed up, we ended up heading out to Playas de Tijuana for fish tacos and back to the mall for some nail polish. That's right, we girlied it up and it was fun.
Tomorrow is my sweet baby girls first dance competition. Tonight I'm not missing the fact that it's her first and I'm not there, I'm going to celebrate the fact that I have the opportunity to see her 2nd, 3rd, 4th and so on. Thank you to my momma again for carting my girl around to her activities, Con and Herb for Grade duty and to the other Super Awesome Dance mommas who are including and will get Livi all dolled up for the competition, what a great little team we have. GO GLAM GIRLS!!!
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG!
Much Love
xoxo
Thursday 9 April 2015
Day 63
Great clinic day today, very easy and relaxed for the majority of the time. It has been quite hectic in there lately so today was a nice change. I did end up getting some more blood today but my labs came back early enough that I was still out of clinic by 2:45 Mind you Kyle was out and about with his ladies (moms of other patients) so I waited until 3:30 anyway but it was nice to be done before 5pm :)
I'd still say food is my biggest hurdle...today....tomorrow....moving forward!! All of it. It is so very stressful when you do not know what you are doing and trying to figure it out. Breath again.....Oscar is back on Saturday so best I start my list now so I can really hit him hard with the Q's. I have started a food diary, journaling everything I eat so hoping he'll be able to go over it all and basically audit each day. I'm shooting 60 as a pass :)
It tis late here this evening and I didn't nap so think I'll give sleep a try.
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG!
Much Love
xoxo
I'd still say food is my biggest hurdle...today....tomorrow....moving forward!! All of it. It is so very stressful when you do not know what you are doing and trying to figure it out. Breath again.....Oscar is back on Saturday so best I start my list now so I can really hit him hard with the Q's. I have started a food diary, journaling everything I eat so hoping he'll be able to go over it all and basically audit each day. I'm shooting 60 as a pass :)
It tis late here this evening and I didn't nap so think I'll give sleep a try.
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG!
Much Love
xoxo
Wednesday 8 April 2015
Day 62 in da books
Today didn't start as pleasant as I had liked as I had an insane headache that I couldn't get rid of. After a little scariness at the clinic with some numbing and dizziness and faintness and much discussion with proper people it was decided I took a bad withdrawal from stepping back on the morphine. Scary scary stuff that is for sure. I know it was needed but my goodness can't wait to get this stuff out of my system.
Good for you all to know that when it started I immediately "wobbled" to my Rosy and between her, Dr.Denise, Dr.B and Anita they were so on top of it. My initial reaction was stroke so it was quite scary but to see how quickly they handled it all was very reassuring yet again.
I'll never personally share another patients story on here as I do not feel that is right but tomorrow one of our girls is leaving and heading home. If there is one person I know will/has been rocking the "home" alternative program stuff it is this chick!!!! She is a like a walking alternative healing website on two feet!! I don't even really need to say it but fly high girl...well then jump out of the plane....right :) Much luck and love to you SS
Another patient is leaving tomorrow, be sad to see him and his wife go :( They've been there longer then us so they were super duper helpful those first few weeks just helping us settle in and actually have them to thank for our Happy Place :) They were the ones who told us all about the beautiful Lucerna :) They always had family in and the big joke was well one left so who is coming this afternoon, and there usually always was...haha J&N pleasure meeting you and your family and wishing you nothing but love and light!!
A REMINDER FOR MYSELF:
You cannot change nasty, some people are just mean....plain and simple not nice people. That is on them not me. I will NOT hold your anger in my way and I will not let your anger pave my day!!!
Breath in
Breath out
Peace
Love
Light
Breath in
Breath out
Hope everyone had a great day today and was able to have a good laugh over something.
Little bit of excitement here as Kyle and B are going to a MLB game Friday night and because the home team isn't that great, I guess they get awesome tickets for a smoking price so get to experience quite a bit more. The away team is a team fav of B's so all in all it works out great for them. Hopefully it's a gooder for them!!!
Anywho, this gal is off to bed.
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG!
Much Love
xoxo
Good for you all to know that when it started I immediately "wobbled" to my Rosy and between her, Dr.Denise, Dr.B and Anita they were so on top of it. My initial reaction was stroke so it was quite scary but to see how quickly they handled it all was very reassuring yet again.
I'll never personally share another patients story on here as I do not feel that is right but tomorrow one of our girls is leaving and heading home. If there is one person I know will/has been rocking the "home" alternative program stuff it is this chick!!!! She is a like a walking alternative healing website on two feet!! I don't even really need to say it but fly high girl...well then jump out of the plane....right :) Much luck and love to you SS
Another patient is leaving tomorrow, be sad to see him and his wife go :( They've been there longer then us so they were super duper helpful those first few weeks just helping us settle in and actually have them to thank for our Happy Place :) They were the ones who told us all about the beautiful Lucerna :) They always had family in and the big joke was well one left so who is coming this afternoon, and there usually always was...haha J&N pleasure meeting you and your family and wishing you nothing but love and light!!
A REMINDER FOR MYSELF:
You cannot change nasty, some people are just mean....plain and simple not nice people. That is on them not me. I will NOT hold your anger in my way and I will not let your anger pave my day!!!
Breath in
Breath out
Peace
Love
Light
Breath in
Breath out
Hope everyone had a great day today and was able to have a good laugh over something.
Little bit of excitement here as Kyle and B are going to a MLB game Friday night and because the home team isn't that great, I guess they get awesome tickets for a smoking price so get to experience quite a bit more. The away team is a team fav of B's so all in all it works out great for them. Hopefully it's a gooder for them!!!
Anywho, this gal is off to bed.
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG!
Much Love
xoxo
Tuesday 7 April 2015
Day 61 Decision Day Yet Again
So, we have made yet another decision to stay for 3 more weeks. That's right a total of 12 fucking weeks. It's been a roller coaster ride the last couple weeks and strongly feel this is where we need to be......STILL!!!!! This was by far the hardest one to make as it's been weighing on me for at least 2 weeks.
THE Facts: I am not ready, I still feel like I need more help and I still feel that this is where I need to be.
MORE FACTS!!!
-I have no intention of calling it quits, I have to much to live for and only want to be healthy and happy moving forward.
-The hardest decision is being away from the kids. Daily when I think of them, see them, feel them, sense them all I want is to fight to be here for them and right now that it still here at the clinic.
-I will work my ass off harder these next 3 weeks to get to where I need to be to come home prepared and keep on going strong!!!
-The work doesn't end when I land in Hfx, it keeps on keeping on. I will WIN!!!!
Well sweet folks, tonight you know, tonight you all know what our family has decided and have shared in our journey yet again.
Tonight I hope to sleep well and wake up rejuvenated and ready to fight again. One Day At A Time!!!!
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG!
Much Love
xoxo
Love from us xoxo
THE Facts: I am not ready, I still feel like I need more help and I still feel that this is where I need to be.
MORE FACTS!!!
-I have no intention of calling it quits, I have to much to live for and only want to be healthy and happy moving forward.
-The hardest decision is being away from the kids. Daily when I think of them, see them, feel them, sense them all I want is to fight to be here for them and right now that it still here at the clinic.
-I will work my ass off harder these next 3 weeks to get to where I need to be to come home prepared and keep on going strong!!!
-The work doesn't end when I land in Hfx, it keeps on keeping on. I will WIN!!!!
Well sweet folks, tonight you know, tonight you all know what our family has decided and have shared in our journey yet again.
Tonight I hope to sleep well and wake up rejuvenated and ready to fight again. One Day At A Time!!!!
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG!
Much Love
xoxo
Love from us xoxo
Day 60
The day started off nice and easy feeling. I slept barely anything last night but I didn't stress and just got up, painted my nails, painted my toes, slept some more, got back up, drew some and just took it easy. I'm not going to stress about not sleeping just get what I can when I can and be okay with that.
Even though clinic is packed right now it was surprisingly easy at clinic. There had been a few days where it was kinda nuts but everyone seems to be in to a swing of things and it was relaxed. I did have a super long day as I took a quick scoot for a quick dental check up (nasty tooth pain that was fine) then needed some blood after my am test results came back. So we were at clinic until after 6 which is a long one but in the end the blood will make me feel better and a nice relaxing day in clinic is worth it.
So on to tomorrow and more cancer fighting xoxoxox
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG!
Much Love
xoxo
Even though clinic is packed right now it was surprisingly easy at clinic. There had been a few days where it was kinda nuts but everyone seems to be in to a swing of things and it was relaxed. I did have a super long day as I took a quick scoot for a quick dental check up (nasty tooth pain that was fine) then needed some blood after my am test results came back. So we were at clinic until after 6 which is a long one but in the end the blood will make me feel better and a nice relaxing day in clinic is worth it.
So on to tomorrow and more cancer fighting xoxoxox
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG!
Much Love
xoxo
Sunday 5 April 2015
Day 59 Easter not at home :(
Woke up at our happy place. I was up early looking for Easter pics and videos (sorry for harassing all day peeps) Mom sent a wonderful video of the kids going downstairs. Love love love the excitement on their faces. A big shout out to everyone who went the extra steps to make Easter that much more special for our kiddos. You know who you are and we sincerely appreciate such thoughtfulness xoxoxo
I do have to admit it was tough looking at the videos and pictures as all we really wanted was to be home with them. I have been finding it much more difficult as of late to be away from them. I cannot wait to get my arms around those children. Today to get through I'm visualising the conversation years down the road, talking about when Momma and Daddy spent that time in that crazy place called Tijuana to kick cancers ass!!!!!! Well that and we pushed ourselves to do shit allllllll day longggggggggg. This was actually a huge outing day for me just getting back to the apartment 30 mins or so ago. Thank you to my Hubby, J & B for keeping going all day. I definitely do not think an idle at home day would have been good.
More shout outs to everyone who are still holding and participating in fund raising events. You guys are friggin superstars and we appreciate all the time and effort that goes in to these events. I'm still so very humbled and I always feel the emotional appreciation very overwhelming but I'd be lying to say it wasn't expensive down here while paying for home life as well so many thanks to you all, you have all helped beyond words with those burdens I wish I could personally say thank you to everyone, and maybe over time I will. I do love a good hug ya know xoxoxox
So tomorrow is the start of a new day and another fight to kick this shit in the rear end. My head has been in and out of the game the last little bit so tomorrow I need guns a blazen, pack man eating, fuck you to the moon and back cancer fighting vibes.
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG!
Much Love
xoxo
Bestest foot massage yet after a long ole day and aching ole feet xoxo
I do have to admit it was tough looking at the videos and pictures as all we really wanted was to be home with them. I have been finding it much more difficult as of late to be away from them. I cannot wait to get my arms around those children. Today to get through I'm visualising the conversation years down the road, talking about when Momma and Daddy spent that time in that crazy place called Tijuana to kick cancers ass!!!!!! Well that and we pushed ourselves to do shit allllllll day longggggggggg. This was actually a huge outing day for me just getting back to the apartment 30 mins or so ago. Thank you to my Hubby, J & B for keeping going all day. I definitely do not think an idle at home day would have been good.
More shout outs to everyone who are still holding and participating in fund raising events. You guys are friggin superstars and we appreciate all the time and effort that goes in to these events. I'm still so very humbled and I always feel the emotional appreciation very overwhelming but I'd be lying to say it wasn't expensive down here while paying for home life as well so many thanks to you all, you have all helped beyond words with those burdens I wish I could personally say thank you to everyone, and maybe over time I will. I do love a good hug ya know xoxoxox
So tomorrow is the start of a new day and another fight to kick this shit in the rear end. My head has been in and out of the game the last little bit so tomorrow I need guns a blazen, pack man eating, fuck you to the moon and back cancer fighting vibes.
FUCK CANCER!
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!
HANTS COUNTY STRONG!
Much Love
xoxo
Bestest foot massage yet after a long ole day and aching ole feet xoxo
Saturday 4 April 2015
Day 58
All is well, Kyle and I are at our Happy Place recharging the batteries and am taking a bloggin break tonight. So until tomorrow xoxox
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT
Much Love
xoxo
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT
Much Love
xoxo
Friday 3 April 2015
Day 57
Another day in the books, another day down.
Pain was good and actually made it past pill time....woot woot
Still looking towards Monday as the day to start weening off the morphine and see how things go.
Just starting the count down for Theresa to head on home, been great having you here and so glad you were able to see and experience my daily life down here. love you little sista xoxoxo
Theresa was a bit emotional at the clinic today and my nurse even gave her hugs haha
Anywho sweet folks this momma is tired and will be up in a few hours to send me sista off so think I'll try and grab a couple hours sleep.
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT
Much Love
xoxo
Pain was good and actually made it past pill time....woot woot
Still looking towards Monday as the day to start weening off the morphine and see how things go.
Just starting the count down for Theresa to head on home, been great having you here and so glad you were able to see and experience my daily life down here. love you little sista xoxoxo
Theresa was a bit emotional at the clinic today and my nurse even gave her hugs haha
Anywho sweet folks this momma is tired and will be up in a few hours to send me sista off so think I'll try and grab a couple hours sleep.
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT
Much Love
xoxo
Thursday 2 April 2015
Day 56 (42+14)
Today I strolled to the clinic by myself and it was delightful. I had almost 10 minutes to myself. (SIDE NOTE: APPARENTLY IN DISCOVERY OF THIS EVENING I IN FACT DID NOT GO TO CLINIC BY MYSELF THIS AM.....I HAD A TAG THE WHOLE FUCKING WAY)
Today was another good day pain wise....giggity giggity......I didn't have to take a breakthrough pill again today and after talking with the Dr we are planning on starting to cut the does back Monday. That's really great news in my eyes but "yes, everyone I will do as they say"
I did however have a moment this evening upon arriving home from taking Theresa to PamPas. My ever so talented photographer sent me Easter pics of my babies. Beautiful as always, breath taking and for me this time it sent me on a bit of a spin. My sweet babies are not babies. Thankfully I've been able to see Livi but the first pic I saw of Grade set me off. I couldn't believe how much older he looked in the pics. I wanted to leave and come home now and snuggle him. Gah. They are the reason we are here, they are the reason I fight every single day, They are the reason I will get back on my game and fight the good fight with every inch of my being. It was most likely a good thing they came tonight and not last night while I was writing my email to the Doctor about moving forward and gathering my info to make my next decision....haha
My sweet Jessica this is in no way a negative reflection on your photography but in fact a positive. You were able to show me my babies and for that I am grateful xoxo (https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography)
Hope you don't mind me posting some :) (maybe send me some watermarked pics please)
https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography
https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography
https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography
https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography
https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography
https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography
Today was another good day pain wise....giggity giggity......I didn't have to take a breakthrough pill again today and after talking with the Dr we are planning on starting to cut the does back Monday. That's really great news in my eyes but "yes, everyone I will do as they say"
I did however have a moment this evening upon arriving home from taking Theresa to PamPas. My ever so talented photographer sent me Easter pics of my babies. Beautiful as always, breath taking and for me this time it sent me on a bit of a spin. My sweet babies are not babies. Thankfully I've been able to see Livi but the first pic I saw of Grade set me off. I couldn't believe how much older he looked in the pics. I wanted to leave and come home now and snuggle him. Gah. They are the reason we are here, they are the reason I fight every single day, They are the reason I will get back on my game and fight the good fight with every inch of my being. It was most likely a good thing they came tonight and not last night while I was writing my email to the Doctor about moving forward and gathering my info to make my next decision....haha
My sweet Jessica this is in no way a negative reflection on your photography but in fact a positive. You were able to show me my babies and for that I am grateful xoxo (https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography)
Hope you don't mind me posting some :) (maybe send me some watermarked pics please)
Wednesday 1 April 2015
Day 55
Nice easy day at clinic. I didn't get lots of sleep after 3am last night but with on and off naps was able to get a decent nights rest I'd say.
The 3am thing......I HAD A FRIGGIN POOP......after not having one for a WEEK!!!!!!!! Well this ole girl was excited. Not sure Kyle and Theresa found it as exciting as I did at that time of the night but oh well. We takes a victory when we can and that my friends was one. If it's not one extreme it's the friggin other.
Pain wise I woke up feeling really good and was able to make it through the day with out needing a "breakthrough" pill which was super great for not being wonky and out of er all day.
After clinic we came back to the apartment and caught a ride to a little store I wanted to get back to then decided to walk back and try to find some food along the way. Still such a struggle as I love to eat and love to eat out, so every place you walk by that would draw me in before is a huge no no....wings....ribs.....gah......keep walking!!! Anywho, made it down to the little place by our apartment that is good for a little snack (the only thing I shouldn't have is the flour tortillia, kind of a biggie but when you're hangry and just want something the chicken taco with guac is as good as it gets for me here:) )
Kyle went to the gym and Theresa and I walked to the mall. There is a really cool place that makes ice cream out of fruit puree so I get a little sneak in without it being really bad. Social experiment of the night was watching people looking at my legs. I had shorts on and am pretty sure it's been the only time as a 6'1" lady in Mexico I've seen people look that far down on me. Some strange ole faces being made tonight. (I'll try and post some pics)
When Kyle was finished at the gym him and Theresa went and enjoyed the local pub for supper.
One great thing of the day is in the end I'd say I walked for a good 1.5 hours this evening and even though I'm exhausted now I wasn't that weak during the actual walk. That my friends is a good one!!!
Anywho, can barely keep my eyes open so off to sleep I go. (oh and absolutely no spell check or reviewing this tonight, enjoy!!)
FUCK CANCER
I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT
Much Love
xoxo
Back view while waiting for ice cream :)
Front View
Was kinda funny catching peoples eyes after they caught a glimpse of these babies....haha
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