Day 85

Today I feel like I'm being pushed out of clininc but kept behind and they only want me to stay....I am oh so tired.....and only want to sleep today!  We are still making plans to leave and hoping for early next week departure.

I'm so done with this place and only want to leave but am so so scared at the same time.  Gah, what a mix of emotions.  Today is definitly not a positive day so hoping tomorrow it turns around and I can be happy.  I guess we're all entitled to those days right.

My bloods are still giving me some grief so if I could have some happy blood thoughts that would be great!!!

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXCPIRATION DATE MAKRED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 83 Me Thinks (getting out of dodge)

So back at the clininc admitted for the night (maybe more)  my vision went all wonkly again so here I am.  Hoping an increase in steriods will help solve the problem.

Best part of this blog is that I am ready to come home, we are done with cancer treatments and will be booking flight home as soon as I am stable enough to travel.  Hoping sooner rather then later.  We've been followed by gut instinct thus far so let's hope we're on the right road again.

FUCK CANCER!!!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love
xoxo

Sunday,.....day...something

Best day I've had in a week.  Feeling much more like myself and my vision was much better today!!!

Hoping with each day I'll see improvements there and be back as good as new :)

Going to keep on keeping on like always!!  Thanks to everyone for doing what you're doing and keeping up doing what you're doing :)

As always!!

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON TE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love
XOXO

Catch up Day

Sorry for not writing the last few days . Still recovering from surgery and trying to get my bearings. Things have been up and down and all around fucking crazy. Starting to feel a lot better today. Promise to try and stay in touch but for now please have patience while I deal with shitty vision and that makes it hard to write.
Love you all. Thank You for all the well wishes lovins and prayers.

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON TE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love X0X0

Day 74.5

Well well well, quite a couple days ya'll

Here I sit getting pumped full of the p's in preparation for surgery.  Taking it easy and being the good doobie that I am (right Kyle and Mom)

What's actually happening in my head is a different story: See my delightufly wonderful DrD (If you read this and want me to remove your name let me know and I will xo)  told me to take it easy....easy...what??? Okay, no problem.  I made a 3 day deal with them all.  I'll listen and take it easy. So I'm sitting on the side of my bed complaining about wanting to get out and about and of course Kyle and Deb are like "blah blah blah, you can't, blah blah blah" In my mind the next 5 mins plays out like this......

I snapped, I jumped up and squished their heads together all the while tangling their arms in a knot so they couldn't give chase.....I'm so lightening fast that I bolt out of the room.....I have a momentarily lapse in memory and forget about the two separate poles on either side of my bed holding all my different meds...I power through the door with both poles dangling complete with meds falling behind me.  As I round the corner to make my escape I see the night Dr and Nurse R.......I fake left, fake right and just scoot by.....they give chase and grab the tail end of a pole as I'm making my way through the doors.  Lucky for me they grabbed a bag of meds that easily rips off and I have my breakaway moment down the stairs and out the door, freedom, sweet freedom....haha

............or I just sat on the side of my bed and play out little fairy tales in my head :)  After such a serious couple days I think a little ha ha was in order for tonight and this little side story did it for me :)


Anywho,

You have all came out in droves to support us yet again.  Thank you so much, we very much appreciate the thoughts and prayers.

I will be signing off early tonight and will update when possible tomorrow.

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love
xoxo

Day 73 rolling in to Day 74 SURGERY UPDATE

Good Day All

I know I missed a day but unfortunately yesterday couldn't be helped.  My headache came back with avengence in the in wees hours Saturday.  I had to go to clininc anyway Sunday morning so the nurses had a look and tried to help,  and when the pain didn't improve over morning the doc was called in.  After being looked over and sent for scans it was found that I have a brain bleed and that surgery will be necessary today.

The pain was gotten under control last evening around 9ish and was able to eat and open my eyes.  It was a terribly scary day but thankfully Kyle and Mom were here by my side (literally, didn't leave a 10foot radius)  plus the docs and nurses at the clininc were here all night long.  We will keep you all updated throughout the day as things progress.

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love
xoxo

SURGERY UPDATE:
Hi All
Surgery will happen tomorrow at 11am my time.  Today is surgery prep getting some plasma and platlettes in to me.  Thank you for all the kind thoughts and prayers, you are all here in spirit and we CAN feel it. xoxo
Update when have more info.

Day 72 of Star log (hahaha)

Well my mom is here!!!!!!  Unfortunately for her I was wide awake and hungry at 6am and she just happened to be in that area sleeping, and just so happened to be woken up by noise in the kitchen  hummm  :)

So mom and I had some brekky together to start the day.  It was nice to just sit and enjoy mom and maybe, just maybe, talk her ear off.  We were able to partake in another special moment this morning.  Congrats E on the big D!!

Off to clinic for mom and I.  Me for reg treatment day and mom started a 5 day cleanse, nice for her to be able to spend the time in treatment with me and see the ins and out of how it really works every day.  It was a pretty easy day for me, being done the earliest I've been done in weeks but then having to wait for her was pretty funny.

We then headed to the hotel for the afternoon/evening of hanging out.  Not much to report today dear folks.

It is Dr/Nurse/Caregiver of any kind prop time though.  My goodness you people work hard.  I know I know not all do but the majority of all I 've ever seen and witness DO and they DO NOT friggin STOP!!!! I was literally exhausted watching my nurses today.  I've been pretty blessed over this whole journey with amazing caregivers who have gone out of their way to be of help (Starting at home right up to now) so just wanted to say a big Thank you to you all tonight!!  You do not go unrecognized in my families world!!!

Going to sign off, hang out in the comfy bed and relax for the rest of the evening.

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love
xoxo

Day 71 Yo

Another nice relaxing day at clinic, thank you lord!!  I didn't have a headache starting out the day (I did however take a pain shot around 5am....little preventative med today) and the lack of nasty headache definitley made for a much better day.  Our room is pretty full but everyone in there seems to respect the fact that we are all having treatments and we will all be taken care of and have our time.

Kyle and I took a quick walk to the mall, home for supper, a little veg then out for another little walk. It's so stinking boring sitting around and I'm trying to get as much walking in without going overboard.  Now we are patiently waiting for J the driver from the clininc to come get us so we can go get momma!!! yay

Also found a place we can stop and I can grab a burger, yes a burger as they have a bun option with lettuce...ummm Fuck YES!!!!  Anywho who knows me know I love hamburgers!!!! So the fact that I can have this with a little cheat (mayo) is friggin awesome!!!!!!!  They do say they use real ground beef that is antibiotic....and all that stuff free, even though I question that, tonight I don't :)
EDIT/UPDATE:The hamburger was NOT worth it mostly (i'm sure) because I was still expecting a fast food type taste and well that's not what happened.  K & J did however have the typical hamburger and chilli cheese fries and although I wanted them for a split second I actually felt better knowing I didn't eat them in the end. I can only imagine how the nastyiness would have made me feel.

Andddddd that hamburger will be picked up on the way to get my momma!!!!!!!
I'll post on Fb when we have her so you all know.

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love
xoxo

Day 70

What a CALM, QUIET day in our treatment room today.  It was delightfully delightful.  Only thing that sucked for me was an insane headache but because it was quiet I was able to go inside my own head for a bit and relax.

I was very disappointment when Dr. Bautista said he wants to wait until next week to start my chemo again.  I know he's not doing it intentionally and he only wants me in the best possible form to hit it but at this point I just want to get going.  I have 2 weeks left so let's rock the shit out of this.  In the end I trusted to this point so I'll listen on this obviously.  I will be getting iron the next few days to get my counts up and they will be checking just to make sure all is well this weekend.

On the plus side momma flies in again tomorrow night for a week!!!!  Yay!!!!

You know, I still get messages from people daily, I have to say I'm a little surprised as I figured it would have slowed down by now but it seems to pick up speed during certain times.  It's pretty cool to hear what everyone has to say and I do read each and every one.  I may not always respond in a timely manner but I do try my best.  I also read each and every comment on this blog.  I stopped responding here as some were posting and some were not but again I do see and read each and every comment.

The anticipation is building here as the count down is on.  It's extremely nerve wrecking thinking about it but we both cannot wait to get on NS SOIL!!!!!!!!  GAH!!!!!!

Kyle found a recipe for brownies that I can eat!!!!!  Let's give er a go!!!

Anywho, trying for this early to bedtime thing again so off I go.

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM Of MY FOOT!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love
xoxo

Day 69

I went in the Chamber!!!!!  Woot woot.  I was only in for 30 mins but I was in there none the less and I reached HI temp which is great.  It felt nice to be back in there and battle against my mind a little bit more.

After clinic we took a scoot out to Playas d'Tijuana to hang out with B,N and L from the clinic.  We ended up at Titos for tacos and then had a nice little walk back to their apartment.  Nice to act "normal" for a few minutes of the day that's for sure.

Was really great getting home to internet and seeing the videos mom posted of her receiving the volunteers awards on my behalf..  So very humbling and actually made me quite emotional.  Thank you ya'll, especially JD for the nomination.

Again, trying this early to bed thing so off I go.

Sweet Dreams ya'll

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 68 STILL NO CHAMBER

Good day all in all yet again.  I danced and sang around today, I took two steps at a time (3x's) had some good belly laughs, had a great walk a few good talks and am smiling at the end of the day.  That my friends is a good day!!!

buttttttt..........still no chamber. My blood is up and I was given the okay so tomorrow I'll be in there even if it means crawling in on top of someone to accommodate it.  haha   I need the battle right now, I need to be able to go in there knowing damn well I want out and then NOT GET OUT!!!!
FYI, Tomorrow's blog may have a TMI section  :)

One thing I will never get use to is City Living!!!  I've tried, I've put in a valiant attempt but my goodness, there is no quiet!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!!! and BUILDINGS every where!!!!!!! gah!!!!!!
I've tried every inch of this apartment and there is no such thing as a quiet area.  I just do not think it's possible in a city. I do however have ear plugs so tonight me thinks those will have to do :)

I'm off to prepare my sneak attack on the chamber so good night sweet folks.  Have a great sleep and see you all in the am.

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 67

Days are up and down but I can finally say I had A GREAT DAY!!!!  Nothing in particular, nothing stands out as the defining spotlight, but at this moment, sitting on my little couch, in my little apartment in Tijuana I feel like I had a good day!!!! I felt like some cancer fighting went on and physically I feel really good right now.

One thing I do have to do is clear my conscience.  I know what your response will be but I'm going to say it anyway.  I am done saying sorry for my community (family,friends,acquaintances, all of you who have been so strongly supporting us through this all)!!  WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY AND WHAT THE FUCK DO I MEAN?

When I talk about home and I'm chatting with someone who doesn't necessarily have the "community" support I do, I say sorry.....then continue along with my awesome community story. I feel the need to apologize for just how stinking amazing all of you are and for that I truly am sorry. Isn't that absurb.

Well dear folks, I am no longer going to say sorry for just how amazing you all are, when I talk about home theres no way for my heart to not open up and just spill happiness all over the place and I'm going to celebrate that more and quit the SORRY!!!

Well, now that you think I'm all off my rocker this chick is off to bed.

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love
xoxo

Day 66 written on time :)

Lazy sunday day and not much to report so I think I'll sign off early have a shower, lay in bed and relax for the evening. 

Good night sweet folks!

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

Much Love

xoxo

Day 65 (Written Early Sunday am)

Good morning ya'll.  Yesterday was a strange strange day and just didn't get on to write last night.

Had a very slow relaxing day in clinic.  My Rosy was off and in her place was Roger.  A young newish nurse who so desperately wants to make sure he does everything right he tends to be a little slower.  I don't mind at all as he is super diligent and takes his time to make sure it's just perfect.  Unfortunately had some eating issues yesterday, there really was nothing prepared through the clinic that I could eat so that made for a bit of a longer day, I still need to make sure I get lots of meals in during the day.  Kyle ran to the apartment and brought some snacks back which helped get through the day.

Before starting my clinic day I was able to stay in touch with Mom and the other dance moms via a fb thread and be involved with Liv's first dance competition.  Thank you ladies for keeping us up to date and involved, it made a not so pleasant "missing" home wayyyyyyy easier.  I also have to admit that I ate a little crow while watching.  I initially didn't want Liv in the Comp dance but am oh so glad she pushed for it.  The light in her eyes was just awesome to see!!!

On to the evening and the Dinner theatre, wowowowowowowow, just WOW!!!!  I still find it hard to wrap my head around all that our community is doing for us.  You guys are just amazing and we can't thank you all enough for everything!  So this is me opening up my arms (and they're long) wrapping you all in a big ole hug....then dropping some big ole kisses on your cheeks, and then when you think the hug is done.....it's not really.....I keep snuggling....haha!  That was nice eh :)

Oh and this totally happened......http://eleanorbeaton.com/blog/post/lisa-wood.....yup...I'm a fierce woman.  Was so honoured to have initially been asked and even more so now after seeing this on Eleanors's blog.  I've been a fan of hers for a while so was floored when approached and a little intimidated to tell the truth.  In the end I answered like I write on here and I think you get the just of me.  Thank you so very much for the opportunity to get my word out on such a great platform Eleanor!!!

A special group of others have been on my mind since late yesterday, you know who you are and I love you to bits.  I desperately wish I was home for that hug and kiss but know all will be well in the end....xoxoxoxoxoxoxox.....love you!!!

Time is ticking on home time and I couldn't be more excited.  Still so very stressed about food as it literally controls every part of my life.  My goal over the next week is to really start focusing on the positive of food.  Not what I can't but what I can and go from there.  Unfortunately for everyone else I can't see me stopping bitching about the bad stuff....it's how it's going to be....I know...annoying but at this point it's what I know will happen and it's what I need.  I'm a talker and voicing it is what I know.

Anywho, just waiting on my food (yup 4:30 am in Tj and I ordered chicken broth)
There is some intense police drama outside the hotel so sleep will ellude me once again me think :)


FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love
xoxo











Clinic ready baby!!!

Day 64

NO SLEEP LAST NIGHT, gah!!!  TMI Warning:  I had a protein shake last night (goat protein) and ended up with a nasty reflux/throw up in mouth mix around 2 am.  Needless to say there was no more sleep and if you've had goat anything then you know there is a distinct taste.  I was fine just think the shake didn't settle well.  

The day at clinic was pretty easy going again, I was done pretty early and was able to enjoy some freedom (kinda) actually none at all, but that's okay and apparently my new reality for a while :)

While waiting for lunch Kyle and B showed up to make sure that my backpack was packed lightly.....yes.....they came to clinic to check the weight of my backpack.....to make sure I could "handle" getting it home.  It's odd and annoying and heartfelt and frustrating to have someone always wanting to help. I know they were only looking out for me but seriously, go to your fucking ball game.  haha

Then Miss J showed up, we ended up heading out to Playas de Tijuana for fish tacos and back to the mall for some nail polish. That's right, we girlied it up and it was fun.

Tomorrow is my sweet baby girls first dance competition.  Tonight I'm not missing the fact that it's her first and I'm not there,  I'm going to celebrate the fact that I have the opportunity to see her 2nd, 3rd, 4th and so on.  Thank you to my momma again for carting my girl around to her activities, Con and Herb for Grade duty and to the other Super Awesome Dance mommas who are including and will get Livi all dolled up for the competition, what a great little team we have.  GO GLAM GIRLS!!! 

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG!

Much Love

xoxo

Day 63

Great clinic day today, very easy and relaxed for the majority of the time.  It has been quite hectic in there lately so today was a nice change.  I did end up getting some more blood today but my labs came back early enough that I was still out of clinic by 2:45  Mind you Kyle was  out and about with his ladies (moms of other patients) so I waited until 3:30 anyway but it was nice to be done before 5pm :)

I'd still say food is my biggest hurdle...today....tomorrow....moving forward!!  All of it.  It is so very stressful when you do not know what you are doing and trying to figure it out.   Breath again.....Oscar is back on Saturday so best I start my list now so I can really hit him hard with the Q's.  I have started a food diary, journaling everything I eat so hoping he'll be able to go over it all and basically audit each day.  I'm shooting 60 as a pass :)

It tis late here this evening and I didn't nap so think I'll give sleep a try.

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 62 in da books

Today didn't start as pleasant as I had liked as I had an insane headache that I couldn't  get rid of.  After a little scariness at the clinic with some numbing and dizziness and faintness and much discussion with proper people it was decided I took a bad withdrawal from stepping back on the morphine.  Scary scary stuff that is for sure.  I know it was needed but my goodness can't wait to get this stuff out of my system.

Good for you all to know that when it started I immediately "wobbled" to my Rosy and between her, Dr.Denise, Dr.B and Anita they were so on top of it.  My initial reaction was stroke so it was quite scary but to see how quickly they handled it all was very reassuring yet again.

I'll never personally share another patients story on here as I do not feel that is right but tomorrow one of our girls is leaving and heading home.  If there is one person I know will/has been rocking the "home" alternative program stuff it is this chick!!!!  She is a like a walking alternative healing website on two feet!!  I don't even really need to say it but fly high girl...well then jump out of the plane....right :) Much luck and love to you SS

Another patient is leaving tomorrow, be sad to see him and his wife go :(  They've been there longer then us so they were super duper helpful those first few weeks just helping us settle in and actually have them to thank for our Happy Place :)  They were the ones who told us all about the beautiful Lucerna :)  They always had family in and the big joke was well one left so who is coming this afternoon, and there usually always was...haha  J&N pleasure meeting you and your family and wishing you nothing but love and light!!


A REMINDER FOR MYSELF:
You cannot change nasty, some people are just mean....plain and simple not nice people.  That is on them not me.  I will NOT hold your anger in my way and I will not let your anger pave my day!!!
Breath in
Breath out
Peace
Love
Light
Breath in
Breath out


Hope everyone had a great day today and was able to have a good laugh over something.

Little bit of  excitement here as Kyle and B are going to a MLB game Friday night and because the home team isn't that great, I guess they get awesome tickets for a smoking price so get to experience quite a bit more.  The away team is a team fav of B's so all in all it works out great for them.  Hopefully it's a gooder for them!!!

Anywho, this gal is off to bed.


FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 61 Decision Day Yet Again

So, we have made yet another decision to stay for 3 more weeks. That's right a total of 12 fucking weeks.  It's been a roller coaster ride the last couple weeks and strongly feel this is where we need to be......STILL!!!!!  This was by far the hardest one to make as it's been weighing on me for at least 2 weeks.

THE Facts:  I am not ready, I still feel like I need more help and I still feel that this is where I need to be.

MORE FACTS!!!
-I have no intention of calling it quits, I have to much to live for and only want to be healthy and happy moving forward.

-The hardest decision is being away from the kids.  Daily when I think of them, see them, feel them, sense them all I want is to fight to be here for them and right now that it still here at the clinic.

-I will work my ass off harder these next 3 weeks to get to where I need to be to come home prepared and keep on going strong!!!

-The work doesn't end when I land in Hfx, it keeps on keeping on.  I will WIN!!!!

Well sweet folks, tonight you know, tonight you all know what our family has decided and have shared in our journey yet again.

Tonight I hope to sleep well and wake up rejuvenated and ready to fight again.  One Day At A Time!!!!

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG!

Much Love
xoxo




Love from us xoxo

Day 60

The day started off nice and easy feeling.  I slept barely anything last night but I didn't stress and just got up, painted my nails, painted my toes, slept some more, got back up, drew some and just took it easy.  I'm not going to stress about not sleeping just get what I can when I can and be okay with that.

Even though clinic is packed right now it was surprisingly easy at clinic.  There had been a few days where it was kinda nuts but everyone seems to be in to a swing of things and it was relaxed.  I did have a super long day as I took a quick scoot for a quick dental check up (nasty tooth pain that was fine) then needed some blood after my am test results came back.  So we were at clinic until after 6 which is a long one but in the end the blood will make me feel better and a nice relaxing day in clinic is worth it.

So on to tomorrow and more cancer fighting  xoxoxox

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 59 Easter not at home :(

Woke up at our happy place.  I was up early looking for Easter pics and videos (sorry for harassing all day peeps) Mom sent a wonderful video of the kids going downstairs.  Love love love the excitement on their faces.  A big shout out to everyone who went the extra steps to make Easter that much more special for our kiddos.  You know who you are and we sincerely appreciate such thoughtfulness xoxoxo

I do have to admit it was tough looking at the videos and pictures as all we really wanted was to be home with them.  I have been finding it much more difficult as of late to be away from them. I cannot wait to get my arms around those children.  Today to get through I'm visualising the conversation years down the road, talking about when Momma and Daddy spent that time in that crazy place called Tijuana to kick cancers ass!!!!!!  Well that and we pushed ourselves to do shit allllllll day longggggggggg.  This was actually a huge outing day for me just getting back to the apartment 30 mins or so ago. Thank you to my Hubby, J & B for keeping going all day.  I definitely do not think an idle at home day would have been good.

More shout outs to everyone who are still holding and participating in fund raising events.  You guys are friggin superstars and we appreciate all the time and effort that goes in to these events.  I'm still so very humbled and I always feel the emotional appreciation very overwhelming but I'd be lying to say it wasn't expensive down here while paying for home life as well so many thanks to you all, you have all helped beyond words with those burdens   I wish I could personally say thank you to everyone, and maybe over time I will.  I do love a good hug ya know  xoxoxox

So tomorrow is the start of a new day and another fight to kick this shit in the rear end. My head has been in and out of the game the last little bit so tomorrow I need guns a blazen, pack man eating, fuck you to the moon and back cancer fighting vibes.

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG!

Much Love
xoxo







Bestest foot massage yet after a long ole day and aching ole feet xoxo

Day 58

All is well, Kyle and I are at our Happy Place recharging the batteries and am taking a bloggin break tonight.  So until tomorrow xoxox

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

Much Love
xoxo

Day 57

Another day in the books, another day down.
Pain was good and actually made it past pill time....woot woot

Still looking towards Monday as the day to start weening off the morphine and see how things go.

Just starting the count down for Theresa to head on home, been great having you here and so glad you were able to see and experience my daily life down here. love you little sista xoxoxo
Theresa was a bit emotional at the clinic today and my nurse even gave her hugs  haha

Anywho sweet folks this momma is tired and will be up in a few hours to send me sista off so think I'll try and grab a couple hours sleep.

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

Much Love
xoxo

Day 56 (42+14)

Today I strolled to the clinic by myself and it was delightful.  I had almost 10 minutes to myself. (SIDE NOTE: APPARENTLY IN DISCOVERY OF THIS EVENING I IN FACT DID NOT GO TO CLINIC BY MYSELF THIS AM.....I HAD A TAG THE WHOLE FUCKING WAY)

Today was another good day pain wise....giggity giggity......I didn't have to take a breakthrough pill again today and after talking with the Dr we are planning on starting to cut the does back Monday.  That's really great news in my eyes but "yes, everyone I will do as they say"

I did however have a moment this evening upon arriving home from taking Theresa to PamPas.  My ever so talented photographer sent me Easter pics of my babies.  Beautiful as always, breath taking and for me this time it sent me on a bit of a spin.  My sweet babies are not babies.  Thankfully I've been able to see Livi but the first pic I saw of Grade set me off.  I couldn't believe how much older he looked in the pics.  I wanted to leave and come home now and snuggle him.  Gah.  They are the reason we are here, they are the reason I fight every single day, They are the reason I will get back on my game and fight the good fight with every inch of my being.  It was most likely a good thing they came tonight and not last night while I was writing my email to the Doctor about moving forward and gathering my info to make my next decision....haha

My sweet Jessica this is in no way a negative reflection on your photography but in fact a positive.  You were able to show me my babies and for that I am grateful xoxo (https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography)

Hope you don't mind me posting some :) (maybe send me some watermarked pics please)

https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography

https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography

https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography

https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography

https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography

https://www.facebook.com/jessicamariethomasphotography

Day 55

WARNING: ANOTHER TMI

Nice easy day at clinic.  I didn't get lots of sleep after 3am last night but with on and off naps was able to get a decent nights rest I'd say.

The 3am thing......I HAD A FRIGGIN POOP......after not having one for a WEEK!!!!!!!! Well this ole girl was excited.  Not sure Kyle and Theresa found it as exciting as I did at that time of the night but oh well.  We takes a victory when we can and that my friends was one.  If it's not one extreme it's the friggin other.

Pain wise I woke up feeling really good and was able to make it through the day with out needing a "breakthrough" pill which was super great for not being wonky and out of er all day.

After clinic we came back to the apartment and caught a ride to a little store I wanted to get back to then decided to walk back and try to find some food along the way.  Still such a struggle as I love to eat and love to eat out, so every place you walk by that would draw me in before is a huge no no....wings....ribs.....gah......keep walking!!! Anywho, made it down to the little place by our apartment that is good for a little snack (the only thing I shouldn't have is the flour tortillia, kind of a biggie but when you're hangry and just want something the chicken taco with guac is as good as it gets for me here:) )

Kyle went to the gym and Theresa and I walked to the mall.  There is a really cool place that makes ice cream out of fruit puree so I get a little sneak in without it being really bad.  Social experiment of the night was watching people looking at my legs.  I had shorts on and am pretty sure it's been the only time as a 6'1" lady in Mexico I've seen people look that far down on me.  Some strange ole faces being made tonight.  (I'll try and post some pics)

When Kyle was finished at the gym him and Theresa went and enjoyed the local pub for supper.


One great thing of the day is in the end I'd say I walked for a good 1.5 hours this evening and even though I'm exhausted now I wasn't that weak during the actual walk.  That my friends is a good one!!!

Anywho, can barely keep my eyes open so off to sleep I go. (oh and absolutely no spell check or reviewing this tonight, enjoy!!)

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

Much Love
xoxo






Back view while waiting for ice cream :)

Front View

Was kinda funny catching peoples eyes after they caught a glimpse of these babies....haha

Day 54 Part 2

Another longgggg dayyyyyy atttttt cliniccccc, but it was a good one.  Pain was kept in check and we had a relaxingish day of treatment.  It's weird though.  I kept asking Kyle and Theresa (even though she wasn't here) what I looked like this past week?  Strange question I know, but I feel like everyone is kinda tip toeing around me a bit the last couple days.  I mean, I know I was in a tonne of pain but I wondered what it was like to look at me.  When someone looked at me, were they like huh she looks like shit.  It's hard to put in to words what I want to convey here so I think I'll just leave it alone :)  I'd blame this on "high" talk but I haven't had a pill in a few hours   haha

Anywho, felt pretty good after clinic so was able to take Theresa out to Titos, another one of our fav places to eat.  We used our reg guy Enrique and he actually sat down and ate with us.  We've asked before of other drivers we've used but they ususally won't.  He's kinda like an uncle so it just felt normal having him eat with us.  

Well, dear folks, off to rest and look at pics of my babies before hitting the hay. 

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love

xoxo

Tree getting her taco :)

Day 54 Part 1 To My MOMMA

My momma deserves a big ole shout out this am.  As most know it's been a crappy week or so for me and all along mom's been dealing with a tenacious 1.5 year old load full of sweetness who doesn't want to stay in his crib and keeping it to herself.

That is tough in itself, as parents we second guess every friggin decision we make.  Is it to soon to change the crib? Is he ready?  Well it's obviously safer to have him not climb out? but Oh so much easier when he is asleep and contained? And now she's trying to make that decision with all of us in mind.

But then add to that your daughter (that'd be me) having a rough time of it anyway and I complain that I'm sad I'm missing that moment, that changing of the bed to toddler bed, that excitement of a BIG BOY BED!!!  eek

We've been making decisions hand in hand but sometimes momma instinct comes in to play and right now you are in that role Momma, you raised some pretty awesome kids if I must say so myself so I know you've got this and we trust in you and your judgement. We appreciate you and are so very grateful for taking care of our babies.  Thanks momma xoxo

Day 53

I don't even know if I should say this out loud but it was by far the best day pain wise in over a week. I was on top of my meds and when I felt a "breakthrough" pain coming I took the early pill and managed my pain...what a concept eh!!  I am actually still feeling really good and have been up sitting, walking around and being so unbelievably MOBILE!!!!! Eeeek, I don't want to jinx it but it was great to share.  I still feel very different while taking the morphine but I was able to keep me eyes open and have a great chat with Livi Loo this afternoon, was so great to see her face and have a chat. I also woke up nice and early with a clear head and was able to have a chat with Grade.  Great day all around!!

It was however a strange day at clinic, there was weird vibe all day.  Can't put my finger on it but there was something up.  I will use my deduction skills and figure it out tomorrow.  

My bruising is starting to go away some with only a few new ones showing up here and there, my blood is low again but will keep checking and I only have 2 days of Radiation left.  Phew.

Been a long few days at clinic not getting out of there until well after 4pm so am feeling the drain on top of everything else.

Theresa just went to "rest her eyes" and  was out cold in minutes.  Yes I did get a pic and yes I will post on fb...haha

Coming at ya!!!

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 52

Well ma sister made it in last night and as when Mand came I had verbal dihreaa and couldn't stop talking.  Must say everything I haven't said in 7 weeks right this SECOND!!!!!! As she was falling asleep I was still talking.  Needless to say I didn't really get much sleep last night as I was a bit hyped and every time I woke up and she did I may have started again.  haha.  Oh well

It was great being able to reach out and touch her knowing she was there.  We woke up early and had a little snack on the fancy 5th floor again.  I was feeling pretty good so we decided to head back on over to the Marriott so Theresa could experience the brunch.  Unfortunately I had a bad pain attack happen while there so we had to head back to the hotel.  I really try to stick to the 8hr schedule but was told yet again if a moment comes in between to take the friggin pill and then continue one with the next scheduled one.  I did that and although spent the rest of the afternoon in bed, it did work and was able to take a scoot down to the lounge for a snack and hang out for a little bit.  Theresa was able to relax pool side for a bit and Kyle went BACK to the gym......yes I said back!!  He was there this am then went back after brunch.  Super proud of him!!!

Tree and I are now back in the room patiently waiting for the walking dead to show up on some free tv thing.

One hard part for me is how I am reacting, or how I feel while taking the pain meds.  I do not feel like myself and feel out of er.  So I've been avoiding talking to the kids.  Horrible I know but I don't want them to see a different mommy and where Livi is so perceptive I know she'd pick right up on it. Frig a dig, always something eh.

Tomorrow is back to clinic and I'll be taking my sister for the day as she wants to see how things go and what my day is like.  I know I have slacked on getting pics of me in treatments so I'll get her to grab some tomorrow so I can share what my day is like.

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love
xoxo

ADDED: 9 Pm TJ TIME

This is Theresa,  Theresa is agressively eating this apple......Theresa is also over 36hrs without a cigarette.....I wonder why she is agressively eatting this apple.....hummmmm

Day 51

Great day all around.  Pain is so much more manageable and I only spent part of the day drooling from my meds...haha  Such a light weight I am.

Theresa is almost here, Chad and Mandy surprised us with Saturday nights at my happy place in TJ (the mother fucking Lucerna), I was able to sit at the supper table for a a whole meal and now I'm relaxing in a comfy bed with Air Conditioning waiting for ma baby sister to arrive.  Must keep eyes open!!!!!

Treatments are going along as usual besides No chamber for the last week which kinda sucks but I'll catch it all up once I'm feeling better.

Think I'll have a nap and prepare for the next couple days.

Thank you everyone for all of the encouragement over the last week, it was definitley needed and so very much appreciated to help get us through.  It's hard being scared but I found even harder to admit I was so scared for those few days.  So Thank you yet again for all the help my dear sweet army!!!

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

Much Love
xoxo

EDIT: 

She's here!!!!!

Day 50

Much better day pain wise.  What I have found out is I will never be a prescription drug abuser, holy heck.  Mildest dose and I get knocked on me butt......literally napped all friggin day long.  I'm almost positive the radiation tech thought I was out of her.  Especially after he heled get me up and saw all the droll all over the pillow, how delightful.

.....and that my friends is why this is a short one, I can barely keep my eyes open so am going to listen and close them up.

Please be assured I was like a 4-5 on the pain scale today as opposed to a 9-10 of yesterday, tomorrow we're aiming for 1-2  :)

Well that and MA SISTA ARRIVES LATE TOMORROW NIGHT, hopefully you can actually see me awake Tree :)

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

Much Love
xoxo

Day 49 Putting it all out on the table tonight.....

The last few days have been horrible.  Horribly crappy and I've just been pissed and sad and upset and just plain scared.  I've not experienced pain like this before and it has only intensified in the last few days.  In my mind every new pain means more cancer, more scary fucking cancer.  The doctors and nurses did their best to control and maintain it but were unable to really get in front of it.  I met with a pain guy today and am now on a special regiment that should help ease things.  What's causing it?  I had a scan yesterday of my spine and have a couple other spots of concern, one trying to break through the membrane which is causing the nastiness.  Regardless I'm back for radiation which should help and I can heal again.  For the most part I'm still doing my day to day treatments when possibly so ticking away like normal(ish) considering I want to rip everyones smiling fucking face off :)  kidding

I try so hard to think, there is always someone worse and not dwell on just me, it's not all about me but I have to say it was a little difficult to remember that the last couple days.  I have been babied beyond belief by my nurses, dr, roommates, Kyle and everyone so to you all Thank you!!!! I really needed the pick me ups yesterday.

Shitty part is when i feet like this I just want to run home, run home to my babies!!! I do still feel this is where I need to be but I lose myself in wanting them and wanting home.  I don't want the FUCKING CANCER TO win and WIN YOU WILLLLLLL NOTTTTT

I DO NOT WANT TO DIE AND I WILL NOT LET YOU TAKE ME!!!!!

When I picture my life, I mean really picture it I only see me and my family years down the road.  I see many years watching my babies grow, Kyle and I growing old pestering the shit out of each other.  Enjoying our friends and families and just plain living the good fucking LIFE!!!!

Had a g ood chat with my momma tonight (everyone still needs this mom) and she helped get my head back in the game and back at er.

So moving forward.  You had your down days and it's time to buck the fuck up and get on it.  Get this pain under control or get high trying (haha)

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATOIN DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

Much Love
xoxox

CANCER, you can go FUCK YOURSELF!!!!

Day 48

Thank you all for the love today sweet folks, it was a toughy and just now getting down to bed.
I'll fill ya's in on todays events tomorrow I promise.

FUCK CANCER

I DO  NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 47

Well, I said I'd be honest on this thing so here goes.  Today was the worst day yet symptom wise.  Yesterday afternoon I started getting pain in between my shoulder blades.  Nothing crazy but there none the less.  I chopped it up to some anxiety over the brusing and the fact that people were irritaing the shit out of me (shocking I know) So I figured I was holding it in my neck and no worries.  As the night went on things got worse and this am I was having bad pain from the top of my neck right down to my hips and spread out from there.

Upon walking in the clinic my nurse knew something was up put me down on a bed and started the lamps on me.  She then got Dr.A right in to have a chat.  They talked and felt that it may be becuase of bone marrow working overdrive to do it's job.  I was given a pain shot which lasted a couple hours.  Right after lunch they started my plasma (to help with the bruising) once they started that it's a long ole process.  All for the greater good right.  Anywho, my problem has always been I don't like taking meds, any kind of meds, I don't like to be wonky off meds and hate that feeling of not being in control (that's why this momma was off pain meds 1 week post op) So needless to say I buck the hard stuff and try to make it through.  My usually laid back Dr. was having none of that this afternoon and TOLD me what was going to take place.  In the end I agreed and said it's just a tool to help get me where I'm going.  So I have some stronger meds tonight and will meet with the pain specialist tomorrow as well as another guy to make sure we know what is causing the pain.  Very much up top of things they are.  

Other crappy part was because of this long ass day I didn't get to spend any time with M before she left but we did get to go to Mr.PamPas which was delightful.  My poor doc just shook his head when I said I was leaving clinic to go to PamPas to eat.....pain or no pain a girls gotta eat right.

This is the Brazilian restaurant where you have a little sign that you roll to si(Yes) if you want food them to keep bringing it and no if you want them to stop.   They just keep coming with all these different cuts of meats, grilled to delicious goodness.  I happen to love shrimp and the last time we were there obviously made an impression on one young fella (I may have hugged him when he gave me a whole skewer of shrimp) so when he saw me at the table he says "oh shrimp" and ran to get me my shrimp.  How stinking cute is that.

I did get to enjoy Mand at supper before she left :(  Thank you so very much for coming to visit us here.  I know it's difficult to take time away and I know you didn't want to leave me but I hope you Saw that I am in good hands and will be coming HOME BETTER THEN EVER BABY.
Love you so very much and have a safeeeeee flight xoxoxox

Anywho, sweet people, this gal is going to try and sleep for a bit and prepare for a better day tomorrow

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

Much Love
xoxo

Day 47 Warning:Nasty Bruise pic included :)

A long ole day at the clinic today.  Chamber days always seem to take so long and drag on.  Been having trouble with bruising so first things my nurses wanted to check me over, they were on top of it and had the doc right in and my blood sent off right away.  I actually lost count at 30 bruises on one leg this am :) fun fun

Anywho, my platlettes are low and another value I can't remember the name of.  I am on some shots now and they will check my blood regularly to keep a close eye on it.  I was told to be careful (I had a small cut that wouldn't stop bleeding....can you imagine telling me to be careful....jumping jesus not sure how this will go over)

Unfortunately the specialist that was brought in today said no chemo until it's back around.  Which means I've now basically lost a round which kinda sucks.  I hope it doesn't set me back any.  Dr. Bautista is adamant that everything be good before we do it again and I trust his judgement (otherwise I would't be here right) So onward and upward dear folks :)

After clinic we were able to take Mand out to Playas Beach and hit up a local spot Titos.  Delicious seafood at a great price.  So delish.  We then had a quick jaunt around a local store, to the beach for a little walk.  We were then driven by the youngest cab drive of life (seriously, no english and we kept asking his age...haha...poor fella had a winnie the poo steering wheel cover....hi-fucking-larious) back to the apartment for relaxing.

M was able to come in with me to meet the dr and the specialists today, so pretty great she gets to see how things run and the day to day so to speak.

I haven't been sleeping and tonight am going to try some drop things.....here's hoping :)

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

Much Love
xoxo

Kyle and the wittle cab driver :)

Me and Mand rocking our drinks (mine is caffine free tea tonight)

My delicious fish, yummy

A few bruise pics to show ya the good side of things 

Purdy eh

Day 46 Sunday=Fun-day today baby!

We had a great evening at the hotel, I actuallllllllyyyyyy slept for at least 7 hours.  I was up lots but for the most part went right back to sleep!!!  Waking up seeing 8:22 on the clock was awesome!!!

We ended up at the Marriott for brunch, relaxed and ate for a good two hours...haha....then decided to head to the beach area for some shopping and more food!!!  Found some gems along the way and my husband dickered like crazy...go Kyle....they all fucking remember him and love him....for christs sakes!!!  haha

By that time it was food time again and ended up at a restaurant with a delightful view of the water.  We went for the special which really wasn't that great (teeny tiny lobsters with like no meat)  What meat we did get was good but for that view I'd so go there again.  It was a great afternoon, with some even better people! I had so much energy today and am still kicking, it's quite nice as after the last coupe weeks of no energy I was starting to wonder when it will be back.

So, me thinks tomorrow will be another great day of CANCER kicking fucking fuckers.....packman do your shit.....hoping my blood is good for another round of chemo.  The bruising has me a little worried just as I don't want my counts offs.  Shoot me some good blood count thoughts please.

Anywho, going to chill for a while and maybe think about what I'll eat next.....haha

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 45

Had a fab-U-lous evening tonight.  Mand and I booked the Lucerna for a girls night.  Ate lots of delicious food, had some belly laughs and enjoyed coffee by the pool.  Finished up in the 5th floor lounge (big timers, fuck yea) and now relaxing in the comfy beds just hanging out.  De-FUCKING-lightful!!!

Clinc was good today, went pretty quick.  Have had some trouble with brusing that was noticed yesterday. The checked my blood today and something was off (horrible cancer patient cannot remember what as I really wasn't paying attention when the doctor was talking to as it was too fucking hot) and causing th brusing and not clotting of a small cut.  I'm sure a smart nurse friend will be able to fill in the blanks.  If not I do have it written down to talk to the Doctor about on Monday (so ya'll don't panic I will fill you in later)  The weekend Doctor was super great though and was insistant I have his info should anything happen over the next 36 hours I can get in touch with him.  I do have Dr.Bautistas email as we sometimes communicate that was but Dr.D said no way call him right away.  Such great people taking care of me.

Anywho, I am hoping tonight is my night for osme much needed sleep, the last couple weeks haven't been great in that department.  

Tomorrow we brunch at the Mariott and are heading to the beach for the day for some shopping and lobster!!!!

Oh and I totally had another coffee tonight....fuck me it was delicious!!! (bad cancer patient....bad)

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!

Much Love

xoxo

Day 44

Woke up wired and I mean wired!!  Still so very excited from seeing Mand.  Kyle and Liv had a great big plan (and apparently everyone in Hants Co knew, ya jerks)  Kyles initial plan was to tell me that Jose (a driver with the clinic) was taking him to a soccer game, he was going to then sneak Mandy in to the apartment and she was going to jump in to bed with me.  haha

Well, my dear sweet baby girl spilled the beans.  While talking to her on Skype she asked me "Is Mandy there yet momma"  SAY WHAT CHILD!!!  Then repeated.  Mom and Kyle started to try to cover but as soon as I looked at the back of Kyles head and saw the red ears and neck I friggin knew. Anywho, ear to ear grins and happiness.  So we basically have visitors for two friggin weeks as Theresa comes end of next.  Yay, makes this so much easier having them here and being able to just touch them!!  (not in a weird stroking of leg kinda way.....well maybe if the need strikes, I do like to cuddle :) ) 

So I woke up today super energized (only a few hours of sleep) and was wound all day.  Poor Mand just wanted to sleep and I had verbal diahrea, must say everything I've been wanting to talk about for 6 weeks!! haha

Right now we are laying on the click clack couch both on our ipads and it's so very comforting. xoxoxo

Going to take her out to PamPas the Brazilian place to enjoy the delicious goodness that is grilled skewered meat brought to your table in large quantities.  

2 Angels received their wings this week.  Fly high fighters xo

FUCK CANCER!!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DAT MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love

xoxo

Day 43

So best surprise ever......Mandy is here!!!! Yay fucking yay!!!  I had no idea what was being planned as Kyle and Mandy did this as a surprise.  I did however find out tonight 4 hours before she arrived as my sweet baby girl asked if Mandy was here yet.  haha.

Poor Kyle was a little upset that his plan didn't work out but I'm so excited and so happppppppppyyyyy she is here.

Anywho, it's late and I'm to wound to write, so until tomorrow sweet people.

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

Much Love
xoxo

Day 42 Would have been home day

Since we left I've been counting down 42 days (6 weeks) (1008 hours) (60480 seconds)
Whichever way you look at it I figured tomorrow we'd be jumping on a plane heading home.  Now we're in for 3 more weeks.  I still feel very strongly that it is the right choice, just missing home and everyone there but the best part for me is when I think of my life I see it years down the road.  I see myself running around with my babies living a completely normal (well as normal as I'll ever be) life....and that future is more vivid ad alive every day.

It's not without struggles (fucking angry bowls again this evening, I may have over ate shrimp at the Brazilian restaurant) but who doesn't!  We all do people and we all have to find the balance and make it work.

So tonight, I am thankful we have the opportunity to do what we are doing, thankful for my hubby (although I want to throat punch him this evening), thankful for the delicious Shrimp I had for supper and even more thankful I found some really great crackers and a jam I could chow down on before bed.

My doctor decided even though my blood counts are all good he wants to wait until next week to start  the chemo again.  He would really like to see more improvement in radiation side effects before he starts hitting me with it again.  Even though I want it all as much as I can get I am trusting in him and the fact that he has my best interest at heart.

Anywho, I haven't been sleeping well so going to try and go now and get as many naps in as I can before day break.

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 41

It happened, I fucking farted today without fear of running to the washroom!!  Yup, gross but oh so wonderful!  I will not jinx the rest of the evening but after the week I had and that first little one sneaked out and it was okay, I've been letting it go wherever I may be.  I apologize to K at the front desk at the clinic and all who walked behind me on the way home.  haha

Today was not so bad, after lunch I got the tummy rumbles but all seemed okay, still very low on energy as the walk home and the stairs at the apartment just fucking exhaust me.  With that all said I haven't been able to go anywhere since last week for fear poop so am thinking we might try and get to a local organic cafe thingy close by to have a look at what they offer.

I also wanted to give a shout out ot everyone back at home still keeping shit together for us.  I have always believed it takes a "community" to raise a family but after going through this all I know just how important you all are to usand to our family.  I really thought I would be more worried on a daily basis about "what's going on now?" "what are they doing?" but it's been okay and manageable and left me to focus on why we are here and what I must do to get our asses back home heatlhy.  So another big thank you to you all for taking care of our most precious gifts. xoxoxoxo

Today my dear sweet hubby did what he does and geared us up for another week here in TJ.  The did our laundry and did a bunch of running around so we can have groceries and stuff.  God love him and his patience. Kyle my love you are by far the best hubby a girl could ever ask for and am so blessed to have you in my life xoxoxo

Alrighty, enough for this evening, going to read and reax a bit before we head out.

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 40

WARNING:  MORE TMI TODAY

Blah day, I'm cranky and tired today.  I've been having side effects from the radiation, specifically lots of running to the bathroom.  I've been keeping food going in but it comes back out just as quickly.  Started pumping me full of more ivs and stuff to get it under control.  Been over a week off and on but has really ramped up this afternoon.  My body is weak the last couple days and we are holding off on round 2 of Chemo until this is under control.

I've also decided to say fuck you to my diet this evening and am having a nice ole hamburger and fries!!! That's right, FUCK YOU CANCER!!  You may be making me feel like this but I'ma going to enjoy that fucking burger...oh yea baby!!!  Tomorrow will be back on good food, today I make myself feel better by gorging on nastiness!!!

So anywho, if you want me I'm patiently waiting for Kyle to get back with ma burger!! Woot fucking woot!

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

Much Love
xoxo

EDIT: After supper splurge thoughts:

Instant pain in belly: fuck yea
Feeling need to run to washroom: fuck yea
Fucks given: 0
Regrets: Fuck NO



To sweet BM,

There are so many things I want to say to you, we've not super close but I've been one of your main supporters off in the wings cheering you on and watching you fight.  I am praying for you both and want to say I love you xoxoxo

Day 39 Sunday=Rest Day

A lazy ole day today, through the night it wasn't to bad and actually got some sleep last night.  Was up early to check on my overnighter oats and bone broth that had been simmering all night.  All looked pretty fucking good if I say so myself.

Laid around most of the day and just took it easy.  It was a hot ole one today so after a few days of not feeling great decided it best to stay put and try to rest my body.  For the most part the day was good but things started up again around supper time. Grrr...I'm going to start taking it as a personal fucking challenge to get my bowls working alright again :)

Just had my homemade chicken bone broth soup for supper.  Must say it was pretty friggin good!!!  Delish actually.  Feels good to make something tasty :)  Now I have a good meal that I can eat daily already prepped, might start the next one tomorrow so we don't run out :)

Anywho, start Day 1 of 3 of chemo tomorrow so will sign off and prepare for the next few days.

FUCK CANCER!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 38

Today at clinic was a good day.  Felt pretty good physically after such a crappy evening.  Was back on mission after a super refresher with Livi Loo and Momma.  Unfortunately after clinic hasn't been so great, not feeling good and things just not working right tonight.  We spent the afternoon at the apartment :)  Sent home with lotsa meds to control spasms, pain and all the good stuff so taking the rest and going to take it easy the rest of the weekend.

Kyle put in a super day of getting more supplies to appease his wife and her craving for these paleo breakfast bars things (they turned out delicious by the way) and getting the stuff so we could make a chicken bone broth.  The chicken roasted up nicely and the carcus is now doing it's job!!!

Anywho, sweet folks...signing off early again tonight

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 37 Goodbyes

Well they are off and at the airport.  I didn't end up going (my TMI from last week is the complete opposite now, wonderful eh) so I didn't stray to far from the apartment

It was such a great week having Liv and Mom here, such a refresher and just the reminder we needed to keep on keeping on!!!!

It was so nice to be able to touch them, feel them, smell them!  Gah, on to the next 4 weeks

Thank you momma for coming and bringing one of my babies to me. Thank you to Grampys x2 and Gram plus everyone at home holding down the fort yet again.  xoxo

Sorry again folks, it's another short one, I'm tired and am going to lay down and read a bit tonight. Go live in Nora Roberts world for a bit.

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 36 Another Big D Made

So the decision was made to stay an extra 3 weeks for 9 total.  He mentioned today that he wanted me for 12 weeks but think I'll go with 9 and revisit it again down the road.  We asked the question blatant and he said that yes I should stay.  I've been doing really well but with the severity of my cancer I need more.  It was not a decision made lightly as it doesn't just effect us.  It effects each and every one who is helping us out, each and every supporter and person in our Army.  We've been lead by gut instinct since this first started so why ignore it now!!

Can't fucking imagine saying I HAVE CANCER AND AM RECEIVING TREATMENT IN TIJUANA, MEXICO

Anywho, out to the last supper with Livi loo and momma so going to enjoy them,

Ciao, until tomorrow sweet folks!


FUCK YOU CANCER!!!  You may think you'll take my spirit but it will never FUCKING HAPPEN!!!

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

HANTS COUTY STRONG!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 35

2 sleeps left with my loves :(
Boo but it's been great.  Kyle took Liv and Mom back to Roserita today to do some shopping and look for the kids stuff at the local mall there.  Although they didn't find the kids fun stuff at the mall they did find me some undies....yes undies...apparently every woman in Tijuana wears thongs in some manner or another so try finding something that covers your ass.  Well Thank you walmart this momma now does :)

I had a longer day in treatment and afterwards we went to the local mall to Mini City.  At first Kyle was hesitant to take Livi in as they take you in groups, which wasn't working as they all speak in Spanish, this one young fella that works there took Kyle and Liv through on their own.  It ended up being a super crazy awesome place for Kids and we're hoping to go back tomorrow.  It basically is a little mini city for children.  They can buy cars and go get gas, take it through the car wash, go get their hair done, go to culinary school, report the news, be on a radio station, be on tv, weather station, make pizzas, be a cashier, rock climb (with proper footware) slides and so much friggin more!!!!  We are so going back tomorrow and I'm going it.  It's so amazing to see all the different things available to children and families here.

That and every fucking person dresses up to go every-fucking-where.  Apparently fancyish dress, with sketchers sneakers, no make up or jewelry and a large stuffed pink back back while wearing my fav granny sweater is "not acceptable attire" in Tj...haha...tomorrow I will take a change of clothes and pay to have my makeup done  haha....but seriously it's so very great to see all the families out and about all done to the nines just to hang at the mall.

Best time in 5 weeks was spent cuddling in a lounge chair with livi snuggled in her blankie.  We just snuggled and talked.  So great to spend that time with her.  Just wish my boy was here.  It's been so busy with Livi that I feel like I haven't seen him in days, missing his sweet smile and hugs.

It was cute tonight while lounging the concierge came over and said I didn't know Livia was your daughter.  Liv has been here 4 nights and the staff all know her..haha...that's my girl.

Anywho, off to snuggle my baby to sleep.

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 34

I chopped my hair!!!!  Right the fuck off!!!  I've not been a vain person (at least I don't think I am) so my hair thinning like wasn't a vanity issue but more of an annoyance issue.  I was sick of touching my head and having handfuls of hair, sick of nasty shower water backing up because of the drain being filled and generally annoyed with seeing my hair all over the fucking place!  So I chopped the bitch!!! Annnnnddddd IIIIIII loveeeee it!

Now to test it out in the shower!

Anywho, was feeling lots better during the day then things started again this afternoon making for another low key evening, hoping tomorrow night is my night and we can get back to the beach.  Even if it's not I think I'll just try to barrel through it.  We'd really like to get back at the beach and back to a shopping place that mom wants to look at again.

It's been such a great few days with mom and Livi loo here even though I don't get a tonne of time with them, the time we have had is great.  They are both very patient with tired momma :)

Good night sweet folks!

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

HANTS COUNTY STRONG

Much Love
xoxo

Day 33

I'm tuckered right out and not feeling great today so it's a short one sweet folks.  Feels a little crappy not being able to go out and run around with Liv and Mom while here but I guess that's the point in the long run right.

Mom met everyone at the clinic today and had a good chat with my Doctor.  I think it was good for her to see it all and see how it works there.  It is a comfortable place and I never feel like I'm not being taken care of.  I'm sure mom will fill ya's in with more :)

Anywho, going to have some food and lay back down, nighty night

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!

Much Love
xoxo

Day 32

Over and out!!!  What a wonderful morning waking up to my beautiful baby girl in my arms.  Only thing missing was Grader Grade.
It was a super awesome day starting with brunch at the hotel, hanging out by the pool for a bit, then out on our adventure to find a beach for liv to stick her toes in the sand.  It was a bit of a hike but well worth it.  Liv hit the sand and hands were in.  Spent 20 pure bliss minutes sitting by myself watching Liv run around on the beach.  (Mom and Kyle went looking for a bathroom)

After they returned I was only good for another 20 mins or so because of the sun, My nurse warned me to not sit out in it.  What I did get was delightful and warm and so very great as Mom and Livi were there.  We left Kyle and Liv to play in the sand while mom and I went in search of shade.  Found some on the little board walk with a cut up mango.  When Liv and Kyle came back we got a couple coconuts, drinking out the water then eating the flesh with lime. Delish.

Decided to then go for our Lobster dinner but that didn't work out.  I had told Liv she could have whatever she wanted for supper and that was chicken nuggets.  Well the fish places had no pollo so back to the city for TGIF's   Lobster will wait until another day :)

On the way back Livi loo passed out cold, poor doll was tuckered out.  Decided on a shower for her then out to supper.

There was a couple melt down moments which I probably reacted to strongly too, but I am still mom and still need to discipline like I normally would.  We got through them and all was well.  It was most definitely an amazing day. So super duper fucking unbelievably awesome to be able to just reach out and touch them.  Poor liv is sick of kisses already me thinks.

Tomorrow is the start of a new treatment week so off we go.  So very tired tonight so in to bed to relax and cuddle with Liv and Kyle to watch a movie.  Nanny can hopefully get a good rest tonight as well.

Good night sweet folks....much love and excitement here tonight xoxo

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

Much Love
xoxo

Day 31 Much Better Day

I woke up happier and healthier this morning.  Thanks to some Melatonin I slept until 3am with no interruptions and before going to sleep I said I would not stir unless it was after 6.  So I did not pick up my phone or tablet...and I dozed in and out for the next 3 hours.  It was quite nice to get some rest last night.

I still went to bed in a sad mood but I felt so much better as the day went on and tonight I feel like myself again.  Clinic went super quick. Although everyone that came in to my treatment room walked in cautiously a little bit on eggs shells.  It was kinda cute as they were all very concerned in a good way, it made me feel better as truly we are like a little family there as we are all there for a reason and all battling something (and mostly on our own here) so having others to lean on and rely on close by is nice.

We were even serenaded by Anita (the main nurse) she has a beautiful voice and was wonderful sitting there listening to her.

After clinic we went to the mall to try and find me a head wrap.  I'm losing more hair every day and although it's just thinning quickly the hair every where is driving me nuts.  I can only use my roller so much a day.  No luck on the wrap so will search around looking for something that will work.
After the mall it was on the hunt for food and we ended up at Applebees, had a little treat of spinach and artichoke dip, it wasn't that good, bad cheat Applebees bad!!!
Then on to the outdoor market.  It's a traditional outdoor market with everything just kinda hanging out in the heat all day but you can get produce for next to nothing plus lots of hidden gems along the way.

Anywho, back to the hotel patiently waiting to get on the road to the airport.....I cannot wait to get there and see those two ladies!!!

Only thing missing is my little man, he was snug as a bug at Gram and Grampy's this evening, looking like he's grown in to a little boy the last month.  Can't wait to hold him in my arms and let him plant the kisses he gives to the computer on my face!

Anywho sweet people, signing off tonight.

FUCK YOU CANCER, you WILL NOT BREAK MY SPIRIT!!!

FUCK CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE MARKED ON MY FOOT!!

Much Love
xoxo