The day it all changed

Trying to wake up from surgery,  seeing your husband come to your side crying.  My first thought was "am I alive", he grabbed my hand and I knew I was. I also couldn't figure out why the clock on the wall read after midnight.  I went in at 7 and it was suppose to be 1hr long surgery.  Something must have gone wrong!
Within a few minutes I felt surrounded by doctors, I didn't understand why they were they.  The plan was remove the benign ovarian tumour, I would recover and live happily ever after.  Not so fucking much! The doctors started to explain that while removing the tumour they found it was in fact cancerous, not only that but I had a large tumour in my stomach and had stomach cancer.  I instantly felt numb.  Was it the drugs I was on, was it my body shutting down emotions (I'll blame it on the drugs)

The next 12 hours were a blur, I was taken back to my room where my mom and step-dad had been waiting.  I could tell they had all been crying but I couldn't find a tear yet.  Through the night there was no sleep as I was poked and given pills and such.  The next morning more of the same.  More doctors visited and when I asked how bad I was given nothing.  I was then visited by another doctor who would give the blow, I had Stage 4 Stomach Cancer and was given a year to live!!! A fucking year!!!!!  I have a wonderful husband, two sweet babies amazing friends and family and a whole life to live and they said I had a year with aggressive treatments!  The tears started, all I could picture was my children, Livia and Grady.  All I wanted to do was run (or at that time be wheeled) to them, hug them, kiss them, tell them I loved them, wrap my arms around them and never let go.  At the same time I couldn't face them, how could I?  How could I look them in the eyes after being told you have a year.

Throughout the morning people were called and started showing up in droves.
This was the 23rd of December and when people should have been home with their families they were there with us.

By Christmas Eve I was still hesitant to go home, I wanted to be home and celebrate Christmas with my kids but I still wanted to hide away from them, spare them from this reality. Even though the Doctor preferred me to stay I made the decision that I wanted to go home around 4pm.  My army of friends broke me out and we were home by 6pm.  My house had been moved around so I could be in the living room and enjoy the holidays with everyone.  Even though I was pretty out of er it was so very great to be there and be able to partake in everything.  Initially I wanted the news kept in until I could wrap my head around it but it started to get out and more people started showing up.  A week post surgery and after many messages asking if what they had heard was true I decided to take control and put the word out, let people know what was going on, put it all on the table!

The response has been absolutely heartwarming.  That's when I first caught the glimpse of what love and support was out there.  You see we live in a small community but a community so supportive and full of love it would blow your mind.

Right now we are waiting for my team appointment on Wednesday, January 7, 2015  I think once we have a plan in place and know what it coming down the pipe we can start moving forward.  I still have moments of being tired but think that's par for the course after a big surgery.

What I do know today:

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE STAMPED ON MY FOOT

I have an unbelievable amount of love and support

I WILL FIGHT