We should obviously write a parenting book....or not

"The Talk" happened...

....and it wasn't near as bad as I thought it would be.  We asked that we have no visitiors this afternoon on so the kids and us could just chill out for a bit (up to this point we needed desperately to have lots around) We sat down in the living room, well actually Kyle Liv and I sat....Grady was laying on his couch trying to sit on his head :) I started the convo by talking to them about how my belly has been hurting (Liv understood as I'm still recovering from the surgery) and that becuase of the doctors we found that mommy has cancer.  The psychologists we talked to said she would somewhat get it because week three in school she had learned about Terry Fox.  First thing my sweet daughter did was point at my boob and say I know what that is and pointed at my boob.  She then said like the run.  Then I remembered I had taken her to the Run for  Cure in Wolfville in the fall so we had talked about why we were there and what it all meant then.  She said she wasn't scared and that it was okay.  She then asked if there was a run for mommy, the best part of the convo was that I could say "well there sure is Liv, you see we live in this kick ass community called Hants County, and there are these kick ass people who are planning a run in support of our family, and there are these kick ass people suporting the run and us" (I didn't actually say it like that but that's how it played out in my head)  With that her eyes lit up and the conversation went very well.  She asked some questions and poor grade just ran around, silly fella. It was suggested to have him there regardles of his age and how it could have gone (complete and utter emotional breakdown from all of us) as when he is older should I be here or not, when he asks if he was involved it can be said, yes baby yes you were!!!!

At the end I will post my notes I used during the conversation so those of you have asked can have something to go off.  It's a tough one but they are surprising little buggers. 

I feel the need to again mention our gratitude as we scan all that is happening and in the works for our family.  No one can fuck with us here in Hants County (and beyond) I had a minor breakdown reading everything but It wasn't for what we are about to face but our of pure joy from what is happening to support us.  We can take on the world!!!  FB has gotten ahead of me tonight so again please excuse me if I haven't replied, but I can assure you we've read most everything and appreciate each and every friggin word.  I can feel myself getting stronger with each sentence!!!!

FUCK YOU CANCER

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING EXPIRATION DATE STAMPED ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT!!!!!!!!!!

Below are my notes used to keep us on track during the conversation, If you are talking to you kids and have any questions please let me know.  Note: they have not been told any prognosis, and it is not Lisa's cancer....it is "the Cancer" and we're going to kill that shit

2-3 Min long conversation (Don't over do it) 

Write out your main points:

One parent/caregiver needs to keep it together (Kids need to know they will be taken care of/loved)

You know mommy has been having tummy problems, the doctors found some cancer in mommy's tummy

There are lots of different kinds of cancer, not sure of everything as we are just waiting to find out what i need to do to kill the cancer (do not use my cancer, your cancer, Lisa's cancer...it's "the cancer"

Addressing the die question:

There are lots of different kinds of cancer

Some people get medication and do well and live for a long time and some people don't live as long and some people do die of cancer but no one i thinking about mommy dying.  

We will let you know more when we find it out.  

More info:

If you hear anything different at school or dance or from anyone else just talk to momma and daddy because we know what is going on.

Not crying because momma is going to die, people cry because this is upsetting and this is scary

Momma has a bad disease called Cancer and lots of people are helping us fight this disease to kill it

NOTHING SOMEONE SAID OR DID MADE MOMMA GET CANER

If tough questions are answered:

Wow liv that's a good question, let me think about it 

or

Wow liv that's a good question, I'll find out the answer

If people brush her off and get awkward, always refer back to parents. Acknowledge it, yes mommy has a bad disease but we will fight it. 

It is alright for children to forget it (while at school, activities) it is a good thing and it's okay.  Mommy and Daddy don't want you thinking about it all the time.  

We are always here and will answer your questions.  

What some people will say:

Are you getting them counselling: not unless there are red flags, 

If we are caught crying:

It's because we are scared

We are angry

We are frustrated but it's alright

Make sure all children are present so that down the road when children ask if they were involved you can say yes.